never like this

i've never felt anxiety like this. I've never felt like this - but for a long time, it's been growing and growing. it's like a tall glass of liquid that just keeps filling up, but suddenly it's overflowing and I can't handle the mess its making.

why am i so anxious? why am i so anxious? anything i text or post, I'm immediately overthinking it.

"what do they think of me now?"

"what if they ask questions?"

"what if they think of me differently now? am i a weirdo?"

I've never felt this before, but it sorta hurts. overthinking hurts so much and i hate it. I'm hiding so much, I have to keep it all safe, so no one finds out. Embarrassment is a number one threat and I'd do anything to avoid it.

anxiety attacked me yesterday, and I was scared - it had never been so bad that I felt that way. i stayed in my room, trying to collect my thoughts. I was dizzy, sick to the stomach, but for what?

I started a new art page, hoping to get followers - but I got scared when two or three people from my school started following me. I was embarrassed and I still am, for some reason. What if I post something they won't like? Or they think I'm weird and start talking about me? What if they find out about my interests and hobbies?

I know I'm different...very different. I'm not your average 16 year old at all, when it comes to personality, hobbies and interests. I don't want that to be the very thing I get judged on. I am scared but I don't want to be.