What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I often get many remarks saying I shouldn't worry about my work since I am "smart" anyway, saying that I would never understand what it feels like to get low grades, saying that I should be more grateful that I am "smart".
But being labeled "smart" isn't all glory and getting sky-high grades.
I beat myself up for the smallest mistakes. I constantly look down on myself and feel like a worthless being. Because I was never taught how to accept it. I was never exposed to that situation. Now that I'm in Junior High and the pressure to keep an excellent record is high, there's simply no room for errors. No one understands the constant feeling of having everyone watching you, point your mistakes out loud, ask how I got a score that is lower than 90. And let's not forget the most painful phrase, "I thought you were smart". Mental health simply does not exist. I am constantly suffocated by the mere thought of not passing an exam, not finishing an assignment well, not living up to my friend's and teacher's expectations. I skip meals, stay up incredibly late, cry every night to sleep.
And I blame it all on myself.
And I can't stop.
But no one understands. You can't just "stop". You can't just "think positively". You can't just "be grateful". Because I tried.
But I can't stop. I'm stuck in this never-ending void of voices that belittle me every day. I'm stuck in this cycle of getting little to no sleep, then sleeping the majority of the day, then not studying enough, then blame myself for it and stay up late again. I'm scared.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
how to fall out of love?
im 17. im in love with my friend, but hes already dating someone. obviously I don't wanna homewreck, but I cant take it. im totally fine and happy until I come...
-
Teiger
This movie was created by a person who is suffering from mental illnes. Not the illnes that I am sufferung from but still, illnes. I am crying for 1 hour 21...
This is such a relatable situation for all of us who grew up being the “smart one” in the class who got some of the best exam results and found most schoolwork easy to understand because all of a sudden we were hit with work that we actually find difficult and we simply cannot understand where we went wrong. We became one of the average students but to us that is NOT GOOD ENOUGH because all along we have been above average and now not only has everyone around us built such high expectations of our abilities but so have we ourselves. I wish there was some way we could have prepared ourselves for this. Feels like you go from a mild mountain hike to suddenly falling off the fucking cliff. People we can relate to this are the people who have crushing anxiety by the age of 17. But I guess we should just shut up and be grateful right?
ReplyIt's ok to commit mistakes, 'cause no one's perfect. The purpose of going to school is not in order to feed anyone's expectations, to achieve high grades, to show that how "smart" you are. It's a place to learn. I heard those things too, where they give notice to the littlest mistake done, but I didn't let their thoughts strike on me, 'cause it's my life, not theirs. So what if I got a lower score than what I used to have, so what if I didn't finish my assignment perfectly, so what if my exam score is not outstanding, so what? It's not like I live my life to follow what others are expecting me to be. Instead of looking at the flaws of others from head to toe why not look at your own flaws and try to do something about it? That's what I thought... I don't know you, I don't even know if my comment would somehow comfort you, but I hope it helped.
Reply