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Hey there,
I am a young adult from a conservative, orthodox family which restricts me from a lot of things. Although I don't feel the necessity to follow them, I just do because of my family.
The last three years or a little more has been nothing but a big letdown for me. Everything I tried my shot at only made me feel like a bigger loser. I have even hurt myself quite a few times because I hated myself (PS: I've been clean now for a year and a half though I get the urge time and again). Although my friends were supportive, my family wasn't and that kinda stopped me from getting over it. Instead I only got around living with it over time. Although the things that made me feel like a loser aren't exactly happening anymore, I still constantly feel like a loser. But I also thankfully aquired an alter ego which shuts this negative part of me. My self confidence has been at an ever low for years now even then.
I come off as a really bold person on the outside. I have a million bottled up emotions that I have not been able to open to anybody about. The friends I tried talking with only stopped me from emoting anymore saying they've never seen me like this before and hence I shouldn't get into that mode or simply used me for my most vulnerable part, emotions. Again, felt like a big time loser ofcourse.
None of this has affected my routine or work. I have kinda made sure it doesn't affect my health too much although only a part of that is in my hands. I've been constantly working on my self confidence but it keeps wavering once in every few days.
Today has been another big blow on my self confidence and here I am back on this platform writing after almost 2 years.
I don't really know why I started writing this, perhaps I just felt lonely but too vulnerable to open up to somebody I knew, but I'd like whoever is reading this to know that "You are beautiful just the way you are. You need to accept yourself for who you really are. You need to prove nothing to nobody. Be yourself. Stay yourself. Love yourself like you've never been loved like before."
From one stranger to another
A lost soul
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We may not know each other but I can tell you're a good person, I can tell you are deserving of love. I'm so sorry you come from a family of hate, but trust me there's a world of love and happiness waiting for you on the other side.
Although not as bad I am going through something similar, I'm so frustrated by parents I just want to jump off a building. The only thing keeping me alive is knowing it won't be like this forever.
Just know that although I don't know you I love you.
We might never cross paths again but just know I'll remember you.
Replylove you, stranger ❤
i've been in that situation for years, but you just have to keep reminding yourself to love yourself, and confidence will come with time. best of luck to you :)
ReplyHi, fellow stranger :) Wow, I can really relate to you. We might even be the same age.
Well, everyone around me thinks I have it great, that I'm smiling all of the time, so confident/bold. I say/do what I want. But like the whole time, my brain is trying to run in so many directions and I'm feeling so many things...I also have a million emotions that nobody knows about. When it gets too much for me, my mood obviously changes. My confidence, my "personality" is not there. For me there are certain triggers, certain things certain people say that make me burst into tears. I'm called sensitive and people around me are awkward about it. For this reason, I like almost never cry. When I do, I cry for so long that the headache lasts for 2-3 days.
Thank you for telling me what you did. I'd also like you to know "You are beautiful just the way you are. Accept yourself for who you really are. You need to prove nothing to nobody. This is a journey: Be yourself. Stay yourself. Love yourself like you've never been loved like before."
ReplyI deeply understand what you are saying because I feel the same way I'm too scared to open up to any one because as soon as I start the think soemthing is wrong I tend to be the confident one at school,strong never letting anyone get too me I am the problem solver so when I open up there reaction makes me feel weak like I'm overracting maybe I am like theres something wring with me that I'm the reason I am how I am so I have no choice but too hold how I feel in because I'm,not aloud to be sad even at home , I'm icant show the emotion of saddness its not aloud for me it's forbidden so I hold it In until I burst and I tend to like to hit my self in the head or bang my head on things always have done that since I was little I get upset or mad and I go to hurting my self and it ranges from purposely running into things like walls or the corner of desk or like I already said banging my head and sometimes I bite down hard onto my hand until I have marks that I have to hide from my family and friends. But I promsie its gotten a lot better honestly and it will for you try a rubber band around your wrist which I started today got this idea from the comments from one of my post or for sure keep writing it helps me a lot I have a journal its like talking to someone but this person cant judge you or tell anyone ive been writing since,the age of 10 and,I write poems. And thank you that last part made my day loving myself is something I have a hard time with love you, I hope this helps
❤
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