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Ive been married to my husband for four years now and let me tell you it has been a rollercoaster. Yes we have had great time but as long as i can remember its always when we are with other people. The only time we've had a great time was after our wedding we went for a little get away and spent a couple days at the zoo.
Lately i feel like he wants to have the best and i can always have the cheap stuff. When we got our phones, he got the newest and nicest one and i got the cheapest one because he had already gotten an expensive one. Or when he wants something he doesn't ask me what i think about it he just does it. But when its about me whatever i want he always makes me feel bad about it. He always asked me "Well can you afford it? Have all the bills been paid?" Like im not gonna spend our bills money on things that i want. Im not stupid. But if there is extra money i want to spoil myself once in awhile. And now we got a new car because his is not really working. and he said that the new car will be mine because i have the older car. So he was going to fix his car and then i could have the new one. its been one month and half and i barely have gotten to drive it. he hasnt even made an effort to try to call the guy to fix his car. most of the time i wish i never have gotten married but then i feel bad. i do love him but i wish i didnt have to put up with all of this. and its not like i can just leave him. its against my religious beliefs to just leave a person because of something like that. you can leave a person if they commit adultery. and i know its bad of me but sometimes i do wish he would cheat on me so i have a reason to leave him. i dont know i just feel useless and like im not enough because if i was enough for him he would want to treat me like im the best thats ever happened to him and he just treats me like "Ehhh i have her for life so its ok" i dont know thats how i feel like he sees it. i dont know. i feel like this is just something stupid that will pass but i dont want to feel like this isnt a big deal you know? my feelings count and i cant tell him about it because he will get upset that im upset about something that he thinks isnt a big deal. so i feel like i cant tell anyone about it because they dont know what its like or how i feel until they have gone through it and i know some people may say i have gone through something similar but its not the same so i guess im on my own for this. i just wish i have the guts to stand up for myself.
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