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I have known about this site for a while now... and I even typed a few words but never decided to allow myself to finish. Easily getting distracted is one of my talents because sitting in this room... there is so much to do.
My room is a lot like my mind: instead of an abundance of racing thoughts, there is a TV, PC, Iphone, windows, video games and books. Getting things done step by step is difficult with so many distractions.
At the age of 31-32, my mind should be a lot calmer, more mature and pretty much set in its ways. But the same way a ping pong ball bounces back and forth on the table... my mind cannot stop moving.
There is so much I am thinking about doing - from starting my next career (hopefully sticking with it), to helping my family overcome financial woes and being a better person overall.
Having a career, being able to get out of debt while simultaneously not allowing myself to let lose angrily isn't easy. Apparently, nothing worth having/doing is supposed to be.
I am not trying to seem like someone who is crazy. I have put myself and my family through so much in recent years that it is ridiculous to think about. From losing the family business due to not one but three reasons, quitting two decent careers and allowing myself to act a fool all describe me perfectly.
I cannot stop thinking about the past because I know I could have done better. Yes, people always tell me "you live and you learn" but that is not enough. When one keeps making the same mistakes because he/she struggles to control him/herself... that is on that person.
With that said, please allow me to give a a brief review of why that was written:
From 1993-2006 then again from 2009-2019, my family and i ran an Italian restaurant. When we first sold it, little did we know the new owners would struggle and three years later we decided to buy it back... but if we waited another year... we could have gotten it for free... but with a court-filled battle. Instead, we agreed to a price (with hidden late fees). Then a lawsuit followed, tax issues and hatred from the landlord led us to depart with diddly squat.
In 2016, I accepted a prestigious airline job and quit after six weeks due to lack of dedication and focus. In addition, I used my restaurant as an excuse.
In 2017, a friend of mine hooked me up with an office job only for me to quit after three days due to me not desiring a move down to Maryland.
I returned to the store and proceeded to ruin everything which led us to our demise in 2019.
People told me to move on and return to the top but being great at something else. That phrase of the glass is half full to me is absolute and utter trash... when I feel a certain way. At times, I am somewhat happy and I can agree with those words to the fullest extent.
All in all (I know this was all over the place), regrets have filled my mind and heart so the goal currently is to bounce back positively and completely.
Once good step towards that is hopefully returning to the airline from four years ago but closer to home. God willing that comes to fruition.
Thank you kindly for reading. God bless you all.
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I'm not really one to console but I just wanted to say, I have been through much of the same. Social anxiety and agorophobia lead me to leaving friends and schools. I often look back and feel pained, that I should've done something. But I try to put myself in the eyes of young me. No one consciously tries to make a mistake, it just felt like the right thing to do. Humans can be weird, just be gentle to yourself and clean up the rubble. Well...I hope my ramblings help you..lol.
ReplyI truly appreciate your comment. I am going to do my best to go easy on myself to move forward. God willing it works.
You are awesome. I truly hope your life gets better as well. God bless.
ReplySo kind and so genuine ❤️ I pray to our heavenly father that he watch over you protect you and guide you through each day. May his love encompass you surround you. I pray for you and your family. May he bring you and your family joy and happiness and place you exactly where he wants you. Best wishes and much love to you and I hope that everything will work out for you ❤️😊❤️
ReplyI cannot express how much I love this. Thank you ever so kindly. You are an example of what humanity should be. God bless you and anyone you care about. God willing you will succeed in the best ways possible in this life. :):)
ReplyMy heart just exploded with happiness😍
ReplyI was able to feel your emotions from your writing. I was also able to connect on some level to how you describe your life. I have always thought maturity comes with age but I guess that is not true. Regardless of the age, how a person acts is like you said based on themselves. Your post motivates me that I should change myself now. Starting today and starting at this moment. I don't think I will have any more excuses left to complain and wait it out until I am at a certain age. I am also struggling a lot right now but I guess I am more of words than action.
I am sure that you have it hard but I know you will be able to better now that you know what you did wrong. I want to say, "once a door is closed, another will open." Go and find that door so that you can open it. As long as you have the desire to succeed, no one will be able to stop you besides yourself. Persist until you get your back together.
Reply