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I feel lost and confused. I pretty much feel like I don’t know myself, like I’m hiding behind something. I see myself in pictures and am like “who’s that? Oh it’s me...” sort of like looking at pictures of relatives that are dead, I mean it looks like them but since they’re dead and not there in person it’s not really them, it’s more of a reflection of them... I mean, that’s all pictures are really, a camera reflecting light in a odd way.. alright, more complicated than that but I don’t have a degree in physics or photography gimme a break.
No, what I do have a degree in is “women’s degrees” - Primary/Elementary education and now children’s nursing. Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t mean to perpetuate a stereotype in that men can’t do these subjects, I advocate they can and I wish more men would, but I say women’s degrees because I feel I’ve tried to do subjects that will suit my maternal nature. These aren’t subjects I enjoyed, more than I enjoyed working with children... yes I enjoy nursing more than teaching... I get a buzz out of helping people but... why is something niggling at me, telling me this isn’t the exact fit for me. I love the sciences - it appeals to my curious and analytical nature but it was never my favourite subject in school, mostly because I wasn’t amazing in it, pretty much average.... it’s only now at the age of 23 that I’m beginning to really enjoy learning about it.
I’ve been in university for 5 years. On a whim I decided to do nursing, I thought “hey this is better than teaching, let’s do it” and in honesty it’s worked out. I guess.
Yet..... I start back to work on the children’s work next week.
Maybe it’s nerves, maybe it’s a more complex version of fight or flight.. my brain is like “ah, you qualify in a few weeks... it becomes real now... maybe you should think about marine biology, eh?”
Who knows. WHO knows.
All I can say is, after writing this, it hasn’t helped one bit in fact, I have no idea how to figure this out because I really don’t know how I feel. It’s like my brain is hiding the real reason. Why am I so unsure about why I’m so unsure?
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You're still very young, so if you aren't tired of school yet you could always go back. I'd say try to make some money now, then if you aren't enjoying it, maybe seek out something else. As long as you have a sturdy degree to fall back on if need be, you'll be fine.
(For most people, there comes a time when we "settle" in a career that makes us the money we want or at least enough to get us through, but you're young enough to change your mind a couple times.)
ReplyHoly shit man. You are only 23. You still have time to figure out what you want. You should do what you want to do.
ReplyYou are on the right track. Because life is a journey not a destination where there are many decisions to make as you travel through it you can have as many different jobs and careers as you like. Decide on one for now and you can always change course as you go along.
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