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Dear Mum,
I love you more than anyone else. I love you so much that i considered not going along with what i want for myself but i knew that i would end up hating you in the end. It's stupid to think this way because in the end it'd be my decision to make. So to save myself from experiencing unbearable pain, i practice writing this letter here for you. Soon i will leave your life. Not because i want to but because i will need to. When you find out my secret i'll already have prepared to leave financially and physically but not mentally. But i have a good friend to support me through this so i'll try to stay strong. I promise to contact you again when you've calmed down but if you are to contact me in an attempt to convince me to not live my life this way, i'll know you didn't love me unconditionally because you willed it but because you were taught by religion to do so. I constantly think and dream about how our final moments together will be and not once has it ended well. I've dreamt of you looking at me in disgust, of you shunning me, abandoning me...hating me. i am beyond scared but i can't keep living this way, i feel heavy with these thoughts. I always want to scream it out and tell you all but after that slip of the tongue when i was 15, i knew what you believed in, what you all believe in. So if i lose you and my siblings,it'll break me but i will fix it somehow and wait for you. My last wish before i go is to please not contact me unless you want to accept me when i reveal my genuine thoughts and beliefs to you.
When i do leave. i'd like you to know that i'll be fine. I want you to not care about what your sisters say because their toxic thoughts will cause you too much stress. I still stick by the same morals you taught me even if it means i don't believe in Islam. Just please dont abandon me. Anyone but you...please. That's the worst outcome from the dreams that i've had.
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