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Hi, I am a 29 years old guy. I am married have a beautiful wife and recently blessed with a baby boy. I have a wonderful family my parents my bother everyone loves me & even I love and have great respect for my family. Not just that I am working in one of the top international companies and have a well-paying job, I have been doing good with my career and even look forward to achieving many great things in life. I am a confident & mature person and take ownership of my own decisions.
if you see till here It seems like I have a wonderful life, looks like I have everything that a person would wish to be happy.
But somewhere deep down inside I think I am not happy or you can say I am worried. The thing that is bothering me a lot is my marriage, I am trying my best but nothing is going in the right direction.
I think that my wife is suffering from depression & because of which very small silly things she takes it to a completely different level. Starts crying, Yelling and many times talks about suicide. How muchever I try once she looses her mind she doesn't listens to anybody and even tells me that she will take my child and can take care of him on her own. I always try to give the best in this world do whatever is there in my hand.
I love her and my child so much and even the thought of her going away or taking my Son away from me I am not able to imagine that situation and that situation is eating me from inside day by day.
When she is calm sometimes I have tried to convince her to go to a therapist or a counselor but she always denies thinking I am trying to prove her a mental patient. It's been almost 2 years I am facing all this but not able to share it with anyone because I don't cry or scream like her, in the end, it's she who is always the victim. I know in this world no one is going to listen to my side of the story and as I am not able to share it with anyone as I am a so-called MAN. I have many calls/videos which show these situations what all I am facing. I do not think she is a bad person
but because of her depression, I think she behaves this way.
I am really helpless and feel like slowly moving toward depression myself, I will not lie Sometimes even the thought of suicide cross my mind as well but I am trying to convince me that it's a decision cowards take and I am brave. I really do not understand what should I do. I am trying to do anything in my hand. I told her I am even ready to do everything she asks for I am trying to save this marriage at all cost.
But her attitude is not changing at all. I have tried to explain that we should be calm and composed and try to start meditation but she doesn't listen to it.
Every time I am having a conversation with her she is either demanding something, complaining about something or crying/shouting. I really have no idea how to handle this situation.
I really need some advice, I have not been able to share this with anyone if someone comes across my post please leave your advice.
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Hi, it sounds like a really tough time. this must be really difficult for you especially as it seems like your wife doesn't want to talk about it. I'm not a therapist but I can only say what i would do in your situation. if it was me i would have one of those deep conversations that only seem to appear once a month or even couple of months. i find it really difficult myself to open up to people with things i think about. i hate crying in front of people and exposing myself to people. it might be that she needs some time to really understand how she is feeling, i know this took me some time and when i realised, i asked for help. suicide has been across my mind a few times before but i always knew that the people around me would be heartbroken even when i don't think they will, i know that they will.
i can be really difficult to talk to people about that so when she has said that in an argument or in passing it might be her hoping you have realised and wanting you to do something. i think its going to have to be a really difficult and painful conversations about how you both feel and to try and get her open up.
i wish you all the best and i hope this has helped somewhat??
ReplyThank you for the replay. I would definitely try to have a deep conversation and try to let her open up more.
ReplyPerhaps suggest couples therapy instead of individual therapy for her alone. No harm in wanting the relationship to be improved. It may feel less threatening to her in this context, and any decent couples therapist may suggest individual counseling as an adjunct to the therapy anyway. Also, just a thought, are your sure it hasn't become her "job" to be the problem in the relationship? Spouses can become profiled that way.
ReplyI think couple therapy sounds like a very good idea, I will try to convince her for that I hope she understands the importance of it. I really have no Idea if this has become her "job" it looks like this sometimes though, but I don't want to judge her and blame her completely. I will try to observe this. And in case if this is the case what I should do? what would you suggest?
ReplyHello strong man, you are dealing with this in a great way, thanks for expressing your thoughts to me, have you tried praying and reading the Bible, its so refreshing to me at 39 years of marriage, we all go thru hills and straight roads in marriage, I must say I couldn't do it on my own without GOD, I focus on me how I could better myself then my mate followed suit. I found out I couldn't change my mate by focusing on them, I made changes hobbies, praying, seeing how I want myself happy. Then my mate followed my example.. It does take time , but the effort is worth it.. Enjoy this moment go for a walk. Inhale the fresh air..
ReplyThanks for taking out your time to give the suggestion. Definitely I will try to work on your advice. I hope it works & things start improving.
ReplyHello, just want to know how is things are going with you and your family? Hope things are going well. Take one day at a time.
Reply