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If I punched myself and I get hurt, am I too strong or too weak?
Just kidding, it has a connection to my real question though.
I want to end my life but I don't want the people around me to get hurt and cry because of me, I feel bad wasting the sacrifices of the people around me especially my parents who wasted a lot of money, patience, time and other stuff because of my existence.
I haven't tried cutting myself, I don't hurt myself physically because I'm afraid that it might leave a mark then people are going to know, then they will start asking non-stop questions. I would get to see their concerned/worried faces. They're going to say comforting words.
Funny how I long for comfort, care, and affection but I always doubt the genuineness of the person who gives it to me. What if it's all fake? What if they'll leave after thinking that they've provided enough of it or got tired of providing? What if they're just doing it to look kind?
There was one time that my niece told me that I should just end my life, we were arguing that time. We always argue. She's just 8 years old. I've told my parents about it for like two times but they just ignored it and talked about other things. Why? Maybe they low key agree, lol.
I would often cry at night. There are a lot of times when I felt worthless, well some told me that I am, I don't blame them though. I would always space out, cry when I'm extremely frustrated, be on my phone, and stuff instead of doing something productive.
I want to put an end to my existence, I was even told to do so, however, I don't even attempt. I feel such a coward rn. Am I strong or weak?
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you're strong, stronger than you know. even if you've been told to that, you haven't done it yet and it might seem like youre being a coward by not being able to do it but you're strong, strong for NOT doing it. I know it might seem like this is it and this is where it ends but think of all the good and amazing experiences you have. The bad ones may overpower and overshadow the good ones but that doesnt mean that they werent there. Remember your favourite memory and hold on it and just think about this "if i were to end my life rn, what would i be missing out on?"
ReplyYour strong no doubt about it, you feel weak because others around you want you to lose the value in yourself. You have come along way have you not ? You fought a long time just for the comfort of others and not even yourself that the most selfless thing I’ve ever read. You keep pushing forward and leave the hateful things people say in the past do not let what others say about you define who you really are because deep down I know what it’s like to want to stop living, the need to just end it because you hurt so much but I promise you each day will get harder because you have overcome so many obstacles already and if no one else is cheering you on I will, whole heartedly!!!!
ReplyYou're strong. Don't doubt yourself
Reply