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Why should you trust anything that I say? Why should I trust anything you say? But most of all, why should I trust anything that I think or feel?
Human beings have this innate ability to be distrustful of nearly everything, outside of the basic fundamentals of existence like gravity and if you eat, drink, breathe and sleep, you'll stay alive.
Everything else is up for debate. Whether you don't trust the fact that the earth is spherical, to not trusting your lover in being faithful. What all falls between in endless in nature.
For this particular topic, I'm going to stick to my own problems with trust as I believe this sort of mistrust is probably the most damaging of all of them.
The inability to trust one's self
Do you find yourself making plans, only to never act on them because you can't be certain of a specific outcome?
Do you find it hard to connect with others because you feel like you don't really have anything to offer that is of any real value?
Do you want to be loved but refuse to go looking for it because you've been hurt by others?
These are just a few basic principles of lacking self trust. If you find any of these to be relatable, there's a very high chance that you don't trust yourself in making judgements and decisions.
From my own personal experience, I have avoided trying to pursue "success". In most part because I never wanted to be another drone working 9-5, only to watch as life slipped by.
However, I never allowed myself to pursue any other options nor develop any skills, beyond writing and communication, because there has always been the inherent fear of failure. What if I did succeed? Could I hold up that image all the time for others to see? Or would I inevitably crumble and be exposed as the true failure that I am? These questions never had any answers, so I just decided to never even try. In so doing, my life has slipped by anyway. Only I have nothing to show for it. No career, no family, no home, no friends, nothing. All because I can't trust myself to make the right call and because I can't trust myself, more and more evidence piles on as to why I shouldn't. You may be experiencing something similar if you've struggled with trusting yourself.
How about that ultimate relationship? The one where you're both ok just sitting down and enjoying the basic notions of life? Where you know you'll grow old with the person sitting next to you. Forever in love, but not the butterflies in your stomach type love. The calm type of love. Like you just absolutely know they will be there until your dying day.
But wait, something happens and everything changes in an instant and you find yourself alone once again. You've been mortally wounded and you can't fathom ever allowing yourself to ever trust yourself again. You'll never put yourself in that position again because it was your fault for believing I'm the first place.
So you just sit and rot away because you honestly can't trust yourself to make ang decision correctly. All semblance of self trust is gone and so is your self worth along with any sense of hope. But you still desire and you can't trust that desire so you fight it and you fight it and no matter how hard you try, the desire never fully extinguishes.
You have no use for the desire but it's still there. Beckoning to be fulfilled once again. But how could you ever trust yourself to even begin trying to fulfill it. Especially after you've allowed yourself to be such a fool.
So you just give up on everything and I mean everything. But the desire never ceases and you know that if you do decide to start trying to rebuild, eventually that desire is going to need to be met. So you just stop building, because you can't trust yourself to do those other things. Not without the influence of that desire.
The need to be touched and loved and kissed and holy crap what is that? But you know deep down that you can't trust yourself to do the right things. Because you never have managed before.
So you just wait and waste.
Self trust, it seems, is for the normies. Not meant for you.
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I get that most people come here to vent, I get that sometimes people aren't looking for answers. Some people just want confirmation that they aren't alone in their beliefs. Sometimes it's hard to say, yes, I do have trouble with that.
After reading this, i had a bit of a hard time coming up with a reply. I dont have the trust issue with myself. I've no choice but to be confident in my decision. I'm ok with being nothing to the world. Obscurity will have me and the annuals of history wont remember my name. I'm ok with that.
That being said, i still dont know how to respond. Is no response better that an inadequate response? Should I shut up and move to another post if I can be of any benefit to this post? I dunno. I dont relate to this, but I needed to respond. Hope all is well for you.
ReplyI like the response and honestly, I'm glad that you've developed confidence in your decisions. That is quite awesome.
If you follow my posts, you'll find I tend to think alot and I have a tendency to overanalyze just about any given concept.
For myself, this isn't about confirmation bias or as you put it "hoping others will agree". I share my experiences in the hopes that others can learn from my mistakes.
Being someone who can't trust themselves and knowing that I'm not the only one with those problems, I figured I'd give some insight as I've been delving into human psychology and the overall workings of our concious minds.
I definitely do not want you to "shut up". I think it's awesome that you've managed to have some sense of control in your life. Truly.
Even if, in the grand scheme of things, you are to be forgotten. You're ok with that. Granted, my post here didn't touch on that aspect. If you search through my posts, I believe one of them touches on that subject. Specifically "conciousness and the human experience"
And along the way, I'm glad you were able to get into trade school and become a nurse. That's gotta be fulfilling, to always be able to help people in a measurable way. I'd say you're a fairly awesome person!
ReplyThe confidence I feel is more or less because I haven't really had a decision bite me in the long run. Here's hoping that doesnt happen but who knows.
I've had plenty of friends analyze things to a T. Its usually great fun listening to what they have to say. I wish I could keep a cohesive thought long enough to form these cool thought trains the escalate into full blown concepts but alas, my brain isn't equipped for that. Though I'm gonna be honest, this specific post was lost on me.
I wasn't trying to say your here for confirmation bias, I was kinda rambling about why most people post certain topics and concepts. I just couldn't quite figure this post out, hence the scatterbrained reply. But if it's to share, then by all means. Share, I really liked the LifeCraft post. I had a few friends in trade, we had a running joke about how life was an mmorpg and we were stuck with a free expansion. We even have our trades names and such. Really brought me back.
Psychology is such an intimidating topic yet so rewarding if you commit. I wouldn't know exactly, but I do have a friend that I feel I'd be able to help more if I had a better understanding of the inner workings of the brain. Best of luck in your field and I know you'll have plenty to contribute.
My problem is my inability to relate, makes me feel like I can't contribute meaningfully. At the same time I get that a different perspective can make all the difference. Maybe I dont trust myself entirely? Now I'm getting in my head about it. Anyway, those were just raw thoughts, sometimes I say things more bluntly than I really need to.
I thing about the human experience a lot. Being around my area of expertise tends to bring with it lots of questions and thoughts. It's too bad novni is a hard place to navigate, I'd like to read that post.
Yeah its definitely taxing on the system but I'm still moving along. When I first read the last part of your response I wondered to myself "how does he know I'm a nurse??" But then I remembered the other post. Anyway, I hope the end of the world hasn't got you too down. Stay strong and keep on keeping on!
ReplySeems you're not giving yourself enough credit there. You might view yourself as scatterbrained but I can fully understand every word you said. It goes into how one subject ties into another, when feeds into another and another and it can sometimes get to be exponential and then you're stuck with 5 million thoughts and ideas running through your head at any given moment. I can understand that.
You sound like a rather interesting and intelligent person and I hope you can take that with full sincerity.
As for the topic I had mentioned. I'm gonna link it here, I don't know if the link will work but here's hoping.
https://novni.com/letters/read/231833/conciousness-and-the-human-condition-
ReplyI'm glad you could understand what I couldn't. It's a me thing I haven't gotten over yet. Random question, how often does your understanding of psychology affect regular conversations with people?
Thank you! I'll take that compliment happily and know that the feeling is mutual.
I remember this post. I past it before because of the amount of replies. I felt that whomever posted had gotten the perspectives they needed. Evidently, not every post is a call for help.
ReplyMy knowledge of psychology is often played out on a miniscule level. I try to pick up on tones and meanings during conversation. It's usually fairly easy but sometimes it's quite allusive. Trying to understand someone for who they are based on the words they choose and how they express themselves.
It's still a work in progress for me and I've found myself more inclined to converse, even if it's just small talk which I'd normally find kinda revolting.
But it's been difficult. I don't talk with many people at all. Especially since we're in quarantine still, technically.
I usually only get to talk to taxi drivers. But my understandings in conversation are always geared towards picking up personality traits and topics of interest.
I can use several systems to triangulate a given person's preferences. Ranging from using aspects of systems like cognitive functions. (Feeling. Perceiving. Thinking and intuition) to some basics of enneagram, and basic body language and vocal tone recognition.
All in an effort to love and communicate with my fellow human beings in a way they can be enjoyable.
It's extremely excessive.
ReplyThat must be insightful. I'm too focused on myself half the time to really even notice the most obvious signs of anything so I can't even imagine reading someone like that. Then again I bet it's like second nature to you.
I agree with you there. Small talk is the most awkward things you can do. I usually bring headphones so as to avoid it entirely. So it's a skill is what I gathered, needing to be practiced?
God that just makes me nervous thinking about. I feel like a big under a microscope, not that you're analyzing me, was just imagining being on the receiving end. Again I doubt it's as obvious as blankly staring at a person squirm. Bet it's good for finding who not to hang with and who to. Itd definitely be a helpful skill.
It sounds so nice when put that way, and it's TRUE so that's a plus. I dont thinks it excessive, but what do I know? I put lines upon lines upon lines on a piece of paper for hours sometimes for fun.
ReplyI've only barely begun to practice and like I had mentioned, I don't get much in the way of said practice.
Virtually everything you do is tied to some arbitrary skill. Ranging from putting your clothes on to eating to conversation to debate, to more complex things like love and even lesser complicated things such as hatred.
It doesn't take much to hate someone or something. Even a single negative experience can influence the perception of hatred. But the more complex emotions that require unity and cohesiveness are much more tactile in nature. Making for an experience of constant learning. Which is what most humans usually strive to do and be, always growing, always moving forward. Yet, even in that context, it can be taken to extremes and become unhealthy. Almost everything can become an addiction. Even emotions.
ReplyHatred always seemed like some kind of primal thing, very visceral. I guess it makes sense that it doesnt take much to hate. I have a newfound appreciation for the more complex feelings knowing that. I know some people are just wired more toward anger which causes outbursts, I use to wonder why it was so easy for them to be so angry but that's essentially hatred on a more specific scale right? No effort required to escalate.
I love how all these little phrases and words are gaining new significance. "Building relationships" or making a foundation from shared complex emotions. I like that positivity actually takes effort, even if its through a screen. My dopamine receptors are having a party right now.
I hope you hone that ability to perfection. Would be great to be able to tell the nuances of a person on subtle things like shifts in stance or vocal tones to the more bigger words.
Good morning
Reply