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Is what I failed to understand. In hindsight, it's plenty clear that I didn't. You were so special to me, and I was nervous not to mess it up. It's hard to not seem clingy, but stay attentive and show I care. It was hard to not message you too much, but enough to show you how I feel. It was hard to be patient while remain persistent. I thought that I did a good job. You have to understand how hard it was for me, to deal with being introduced to someone who had so much beauty, and so much depth, was so open, yet a little mysterious. Someone who was genuinely funny, and said what was on her mind. Someone who wasn't afraid to cry, wasn't afraid to admit her fears and concerns. Seeing your face for the first time was something that I will always remember. The goosebumps I got, the nervousness that followed, the quick disappearance of that same nervousness. The first kiss. Realizing how beautiful you are as you walked by me, and having to let you know it. I wish I would have had more time to show you that someone can have nothing but good intentions, eyes for only you. You assumed a lot, instead if just asking me how I felt too. You have to see how I felt, one day you were one person, and the next another. I wanted to stick it out. Do you understand how hard it was.. how hard it is to not push that button. To not look at the words, to have a deep pain when I see a notification but can't click the button. You aren't ready, or weren't ready, or maybe it was just me, I was never ready to see or hear the words. I loved you before I knew I did, and that's why I remain silent. You are one that is in my heart that I will never harbor Ill feelings for. One day I will move on, but I can't see it ahead at the moment. You aren't one that's easy to forget, to get over. And as much as it hurt, I would do it all over again just for the chance to have you in my life. I have never been one to look at ones social media, to keep tabs on, to be nosy. I feel that does not fall into the category of letting go, and even though it's not what I wanted, it's what you wanted. But even if you don't care, even if you don't understand I do love you. And a smart person once said that if you truly love something, you have to be able to let it go. I wish I could have known you before the pain, before heartbreak, before any negativity. You would be so self confident, so understanding in how perfect you are, there would be no doubt. I will always be 60 minutes ahead of you, but you will never be behind. You are always with me where it counts, where you can never be forgotten. In my heart.
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