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Ok, I need some advice because I feel like this always happens to me everytime I meet someone new or get into a new relationship:
I’m almost 20 years old and I’m a lesbian. Dating has always been had for me, as it took me 16 years to be totally comfortable with myself. My first relationship was back in high school, but that was a bust (she broke up with me after a month, and she’s wicken and cursed me, it was just a messy situation). Whatever, then I met someone who I really liked even more. We dated for three months, I got super excited and, emotionally, I took things too quick. She started ignoring me 2 months into the relationship, cancelling last minute, etc. , only for a month later for her to dump me over text. I wasn’t in a good place mentally, and I was just devastated.
Fast forward, after months of recovering I get on a better path. I leave my hometown, freshman year of college starts. I’m in a more accepting environment, and meeting new girls was much less stressful and scary now. I met a new girl in my frehsman year. I’m in a better place mentally, I take things slower emotionally, and we both admitted to really having feelings for each other. But again, she ignores me, cancels on me, and breaks up with me over a phone. I’m devastated for months, yet again. (I promise the advice part is coming soon). And something similar happens with another girl afterwards.
Here is where I’m struggling now. I met a girl, at the beginning of my sophomore year (so about a year ago) and I instantly go crazy. She’s smart and so beautiful. But she was in a relationship. No worries, I still loved being her friend. She moved to a different for the spring semester but due to COVID she came back home early. But this is where we really hit it off: we started talking everyday, wed phone call frequently, even flirt a little bit. At this point we’re both on our home towns hundreds of miles away. Come about may, and I tell her how I feel, I’ve liked her for a while, and I’m hoping that we could maybe go on a few virtual dates before we moved back to our college state. She said she liked me too! I couldn’t believe it. We had a few FaceTime dates, and a month later I moved much closer to her, and we had some real in person dates. I felt so good about her, and she told me the same, and that she’s been waiting for this for a long time. We agreed to take things slow.
Now here’s what happened. A few weeks ago she cancelled on me, I said it’s ok because it sounded like something more serious came up. So I said no worries, there’s next week. Well, she didn’t speak to me that next week at all. I would reach out and ask if she was ok and she’d say she was but it’d be the end of that. Then, a few days ago she tells me that she can’t do this right now, she’s not doing well and that she doesn’t know if she ever can date me again.
I understand she needs time to heal. I understand she needs time for herself, because I’m all about self care. And I respect her for telling me. But at the same time I can’t help but feel like no matter who I date, no matter how good I feel about them, that my dating life is just like some algorithm: I really like a girl, she ignores me, and then she ends things with me. I just feel so hopeless about my dating life. I’ve never really had a chance to be in a good relationship with someone, and it’s starting to make me feel like I’m not good enough, and that I’ll never be special to someone. I feel like I wasted a year liking this girl, and that it was the biggest disappointment that could’ve happened this year. I’m heartbroken, angry, upset, and embarrassed, because just as I told my friends that I’m seeing someone I had to immediately tell them that I’m not anymore. That’s how it always goes. I’m asking for advice, because I just feel so lonely, and that no one can really love me like that. I know I’m young, but it seems like so many people in my life have found happiness with another person and are in great relationships, and that’s all I really want in life is to find love. I just don’t know what it feels like to be loved like that. I need help because, what should I do? I’m so confused, I wanna keep dating but my motivation and my trust is so broken. I haven’t told her any of the way I feel. We agreed to be friends but I don’t think I can. I genuinly don’t know what to do. Thank you
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Hey watup, im your local toad22 and im not a crazy love expert but ive gone through some experiences that might provide me some advices for you. So here are my thoughts, I guess you feel really hopeless regarding dating and what you've written, but don't give up, as you said you indeed are young. Dont rush things, I liked the part where you said that things were going to be taken slow but I still think you might be rushing things. Stop thinking about relationships and dating, give yourself a time, even tho your close buds are having it doesn't mean you have to aswell. Hey you said yourself its all about selfcare and the importance of working on you, remember you have you and you gotta be your #1 priority ,when you start putting people over you its when things go bad, they might notice it and take you for granted or even use you which obviously we dont want that. Settle down, give yourself a time, let it flow, dont go looking for love, the more you look for it more desperate youll become and love wont come easy. You will find love the least you expect it, you will feel that click with that special one, work on yourself for the better, you are worthy and special, you are unique, learn how to love yourself before you start loving others, get some distractions, go for a walk, read, cook, Idk, whatever you like but improve your hobbies. Im telling you, you will get through this one and many more. Good Luck. Ly :) and stay strong.
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