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my dad
4 years ago · 2
388
he's in another country, with my mom. i'm not allowed there because of coronavirus. and we're not really speaking right now. but my mom told me he was getting a test because of some tumor markers in his blood, and some other maybe scary maybe nothing symptoms. and we won't find out the results for another week. so he might be okay or he might not. he might have the thing that rep. john lewis just died of. and if he has that i just want to hop on a plane and go hug him. but i can't. and i'm not okay with that. and if he's okay after all, i'm not quite ready to talk to him. i just keep crying and binge-watching television, and i keep feeling like god is trying to punish me or punish him, or like i caused it somehow. and i can numb myself and i can distract myself, but i can't quite shake that feeling, yet.
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