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once upon a time i was falling in love, but now i'm only falling apart.
4 years ago · 1 · Stress, +4
1166
yes,
bonnie tyler,
brawny desire.
what am i doing? how are you doing? the mind was filled with obscure thoughts, grasping the thirst of answers in the very heart of the cerebrum. isn't it wonderful? re-digesting the sublime emotions you felt during indirect contacts with the one your heart yearned the most. connecting every neurons inside the brain in the speed of light. we know, universally, love is adored, worthy of the title to be valued by every single living things.
but what makes it so.. attractive? was it the warmness it emits? or perhaps the transparency of your hidden feelings? love is packed with meanings to fulfill one's satisfaction. but what i love about being in love is the ability to stay closely connected. to you.
my goodness me, the tenderness, the sensitivity, the clemency of you repelling me, with each passing days the crave to pursuit the needs for the other grew, making me fully conscious to the climax of this illusion that were created. someplace similar to reality. a world where real feelings of fondness from you exist. but darling, when i reach out to you, what were you thinking of? my intentions were to comfort you, yet you perceived it as a method to soothe yourself.. or mine.
was my comfort a reason to make up for the emptiness that hurt you from the past?
my feelings were genuine. compassionate. yet in your eyes you saw an act of manipulation. this is where it gets you. you see but you do not observe. like driving through the highway, blindly trusting your headlights, focusing on the road, but not what is in front of you.
here, the struggles in finding your balance in life is dense. hoping that something beautiful miraculously pops into your life. so 2017. again, i have lost my way. i found myself to be in the state of constantly vexed into the endless pit of unnecessary information, yet i chose to indulge into the serious details of things happening around me.
i am so tired. all my life i have been chasing the unlimited freedom of life, to break free from the chains that binds me but the chains only bring me down. again. oh gosh. i hated this. the inability to venture happily. please, i ask you to give me strength. to face all this again. prove to me that those solid reasons are the answers to calm the enigmatic roar deep inside my mind.
basically a purpose, to continue.
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Firstly, it is good to see your chains. But it is not the chains that keep you here, it is you. You hold those chains so tight that it can feel like a prison. Like you can never leave.
Your mind makes it real, the chains become part of you by your own thought. Are there limitations to what you can do financially? Absolutely! There might not be a way around that. Will you inevitably search for beauty? Yes, you are bound by your own nature to do so.
The world we create for ourselves and the obviousness of reality can become so fixated that nothing else seems true. Yet, eventually you're going to have to understand that it is you that holds those chains, not the other way around. And you can clank them and wave them around as much as you like, digging at old memories, always expecting a desired result in the future.
The sounds of those chains creates the image and you get so swallowed up that you become blind to the fact that you are the one rattling the chains. Stuck in limbo.
Become aware of this. The emotions you experience desire release and the torment requires an end but you have to find the rest of the answer for yourself. I can't tell you what is right or wrong. It is your life and you have to do the choosing
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