moving in

A little context: both college students. we've been pseudo living together for a few months alone in an apartment, Since my other roommates went home due to covid. Everyone was okay with the arrangement. She isn't on the lease, and she doesn't pay utilities. This cant continue. So we made plans to add her to the lease officially/ find a new place together.

Since she has had relationship issues in the past, she has trouble taking big steps. I guess this is the manifestation of that.

I live 6 hours away. When she told me she didn't want to move in together, I said I didn't want to move there and that I'd just stay home. She got very upset about this.

This happened over the phone because I am at home.

---- what I feel ----

This is a bigger change than you think. I'm not going to minimize how I feel about it.

Its a number of steps back.

I guess it was only my reaction that made you take steps back.

But I had already fallen down.

We made plans together!

When will you start caring about my feelings. About the way your actions effect me. I'm constantly trying to find ways to make you feel better.

This really may seem like nothing to you, but i haven't been able to do anything for the last few days.

Destructivly playing video games nonstop.

My head hurts like hell. Sleep is restless. I'm constantly checking my phone.

I'm sorry I failed to tell you the whole truth. This is my fault, and I take responsibility. I'm sorry. I certainly had no intentions of manipulating you and I fully see how/why you interpreted my actions in that way. Thats never okay, I dont ever want to do that. (I had to convince my parents that this was a good decision, she was hurt i didn't tell her about this. She said she cant believe what I say anymore)

Its not like you are innocent here though...

I hate that this is all my fault. Yes I made a mistake but how could you think that moving in together is a meaningless endeavor.

Is our relationship really that devoid of meaning.

We already applied for a place, made plans with people, my parents know about it and were willing to pay part of your rent.

This is serious.

I'm left standing here like an idiot.

Not only that, its now my responsibility to fix it all.

Fine... I'll fix it

But now... now what do i want.

What makes the most sense for me. I have had no control. My feelings weren't taken into account. I'm now being guilt tripped into making a decision that is already a fairly large one.

No one pushed you to say you wanted to move in with me. You said yes on multiple occasions before there was any pressure. You didn't tell me your whole truth, just as I withheld mine from you.

To summarize

This was a big deal to me

I was caught off guard

You were caught off guard

We both made mistakes

We both lost trust in eachother.

I cant make plans with you.

And you can't believe anything I say.

Are we doomed?

----

Please tell me honestly if I'm blowing this out of proportion. She is insisting that im overthinnking it. She really wants me to move there.