What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
So a while back I wrote a post in how I lost my friend from Omegle. That is partially what this is going to be about, so if you are confused on something, then it's there for you to read. I just don't want to waste time explaining it all over again, so I'll just give you guys a summary. Do understand that this is not the full story, though. So about a month back I went onto Omegle and made friends with this guy. We were both well aware of our ages and genders. He was from India and we ended up exchanging emails. I told my mom about it, just because I thought she should know, and she was freaked out, but searched for him online, and all the results showed him being a real, normal person from India who loves puppies and bodybuilding. So, she allowed me to talk to him for 2 more days until deciding to tell my dad. Long story short, my dad forbid me from talking to him again, but was kind enough to let me say a final goodbye. I didn't get a reply until now, because my dad made me ask him not to email me again. I was devastated, but I understand that he was only doing it for my own good.
Now that that's out of the way, here's my predicament. So the guy I was friends with finally replied, basically saying that he missed talking to me. He also wrote this whole thing to my dad in the case that my dad was reading the email. He said he understands what my dad did and that it was the right thing to do, but that he still wishes that we could talk.
I know he's not a bad guy.
People have tried to tell me that he probably is, and honestly it worked. I was a bit scared that I was in danger. I feel terrible for it now, it's just everyone made me feel so gulity and naive. What I did was stupid, yes, I admit it, but it didn't end badly. It ended with me having a friend when no one else was there for me.
Anyways, I have a whole mixture of emotions. I don't know what to do or what I'm feeling.
Emotion 1: I feel very bad for him. He didn't deserve what happened. Not in any way, shape, or form. He was a kind man. And a genuinely good one, but no one (but my mom for a brief period of time) tried to see him how I did. It sucks, it really does. If I would've met him in real life, I would be allowed to be friends with him. I miss him quite alot, as well.
Emotion 2: I've had this feeling before, but I still don't understand it. (Please comment below if you know what this is.) So basically, something happens that makes me feel any bad emotion to the strongest maximum extent, I usually grieve in those emotions for days or weeks or months, depending on how much it effected me. In this case, I was in tears for 3 days straight. I had alot of random meltdowns, and I hadn't sobbed like that since I was a little kid and didn't know how to keep my crying quiet. It was painful, mentally as well as physically. I've never cried that dramatically over anything before. It was hard to breathe and I was screaming as if I were a toddler having a tantrum. It hurts now, thinking about it. Anyways, the point being is, when I think about my friendship with him now, the emotions aren't there anymore. I still miss him and feel sad, of course. Heck, I feel like crying right now, but they just aren't powerful like they used to be.
Now here's the part that I don't understand: why do I want to feel bad? I've tried rationalizing and reasoning with myself, and this is what I came up with. I think it is partially correct, but I'm missing a big factor in the equation. So, I think that I still want to feel those emotions because I don't want to forget what it felt like. It was an important time in my life, and it feels like as the bad emotions go away, the good ones go with it. And then those memories are nothing but leftover pictures playing in your mind, like all of the things that you loved were sucked out of them, and now you can only see them in black and white. I also believe that it's because I feel guilty. For example, if I forget about how something made me feel, it's as if I am losing the thing as a whole. So if I forget about how he made me feel, I'm going to forget about him. And that makes me feel so terrible, because I promised I'd remember and I'm trying so hard, but the memory of him is fading and I can't do anything to stop it. The weird thing is, I want to feel ALL of the emotions. The good and the bad, because I feel like the bad are just as, if not more important than the good. Does anybody else ever feel like this? If so, please tell me because I cannot fully wrap my head around this.
Emotion 3: This one just flat out makes me say "what?" It's the fact that I don't want to do anything, at least for the moment. I don't want to write him back, I don't want to tell my parents, I don't want to think about it. Well, that's not true, I DO want to think about it, but it's as if my brain is just like, "nope" and it's naturally filtering the thought out of my mind. I'm not trying to ignore it, it's just happening. I feel bad about this, too. I should be trying to fix this, but I just can't right now. I don't feel all that sad, either. I mean, I do feel sad to an extent, but nowhere near as upset as I was the first time. When this happens, I feel obligated to force emotions out of myself. This is something that I know I shouldn't do, but it just seems like there are certain things I should feel at certain times, and if I don't, I feel put of place.
Emotion 4: What the heck do I do? If I reply, a few things could happen. My parents could fins out, and I'd be in HUUUUUGE trouble, and I don't want my parents to worry about me. I've never seen them be so worried about me. I never want to have to put them through that again. It made things all the worse for me, having to see them in that state of mind. Plus, I know that if I were to reply, it would just give him hope and it would end badly. I know it would, and it pains me to say it. I can't tell you why, it's just how I feel. On the other hand, if I don't reply, then he'll remain sad and everything will stay as it is. If I tell my parents, I don't know how they'll react, but it won't be good, I'm sure. At this point, I really just want to do nothing, but that won't be good either.
Anyways, I really just need some advice so if any of you guys have any, please tell me.
PS I appologize if there are errors, I just didn't feel like proofreading it. Sorry!
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
True or false?
Why do we actually care about what other people think of us? If we can get around the idea of what others think about us, then our lives would be so much more f...
-
Who actually cares?
Life at the moment is in a different place I must say. I sit at home all day with the knowing that nothing is going to happen. At the moment I am living for eve...
If i remember correctly, Omegle is like a sketchy video chat service?
I think the most important question here is... how old is he?
It seems apparent that you are underage, if your parents were so worried about this.
Well, I'm here to tell you that there ARE very real dangers to communicating with people you meet online. They can really get to you emotionally like you described when you kind of fell apart for a few days. Then you can form a troubled sort of bond with them where it causes you a lot of stress because you can't see them in your everyday life. Online communication is unhealthy in the long time. Why do I say this? Because I met someone online but never met them in person, and it damaged me soooo much, like I can't even begin to describe how badly it affected me. In the beginning, they said I was amazing and attractive and intelligent, etc. In the end, they just wanted to get rid of me and said the most horrible things. So believe me, there are sociopaths on the internet, or at least lonely people who don't know how to connect properly with others, and the secretly cruel ones - who pretend to be nice at the beginning - can ruin your life.
I'm not going to meet people online anymore and I'm actually suffering PTSD over that experience and going through therapy and so on.
So please, please be aware of how dangerous it is to meet people over the internet. Even if they won't harm you physically, you don't need them taking advantage of your emotions and destroying your mental health.
Reply