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The thought of taking my own life has been in my mind since I was at least 17. It’s the earliest I can remember. I’m now 23 years old and I am coming up on the end of my enlistment in the US Military. I thought joining would give me more purpose in life. But to be honest with you. It’s just made it worse. Don’t get me wrong, I love what it has done for me. But the thoughts have gotten stronger over the years. When I was 18 I took up drinking. (Early as hell, I know. I’m not proud of it) but I just needed something to get me to stop thinking about eating a bullet from one of my guns. It helped for a while, but one day something happened to me that I don’t want to get into much. But I tried drinking it away. And instead of taking my mind off of it. It made me load a round into my M9 that I own and put it behind my temple. It was loaded, and I was shaking. Tears rolling down my face and my finger putting pressure on the trigger. I heard my little brother call me from downstairs. (I had thought I was home alone that day.) and I eased off and set the pistol down. I got myself together and went down to see what was going on. That was the closest I’ve ever come to suicide. And I’m afraid I could do it one day and I’m tired of thinking about it. I’ve tried so many options, I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve talked to people about it but I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. I don’t want to rely on pills or anything because I just want to be me again. Before all of this started. Not a day goes by without me fantasizing my own death. But I can’t leave my brothers. If it weren’t for them. I wouldn’t be here. However, I still don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep this going. Please, if there’s any advice anyone could give me. I’m all ears.
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Hi, I don't know what makes you think about ending your life, but whatever it is, committing suicide won't do any good. It'll just make the devil happy. Those thoughts that you have, don't let it devour on you. You've got to fight, but you can't fight it all on your own. You need to ask help from God, too. Pray, my friend. And if you're looking for a purpose in life, look around you. You have your brothers. Think about them. Think about how would they feel if you're gone. And if you ask me what's the purpose of life, it's about doing good works. May God bless you. :)
ReplyThey're right man. I've tried to commit suicide two times before. Then I thought of my family and friends and how it would affect them. I didn't like the fact of taking any type of medication, because if I'm being honest, it scared the hell out of me. My dad went through similar stuff as you and got hooked on his anti-depressant and overdosed twice. I still went through with taking medication. As of now, I haven't felt this good, EVER, in the past few years. I say try out the medication for a bit, and if you feel off about it in any type of way, stop. Try something else instead. Like counseling if you haven't already. Something like that to atleast help you get back to your old self! Best of luck to you!
ReplyI really appreciate your input, man.
ReplyI don't know what you are going through and I can try to understand but it wouldn't be the same. I can also say some stuff and I can try to motivate you but giving advice feels wrong here because I have no idea going through. I will say that I will pray for you every day so that you would one day be happy and you would be for your brothers. Be happy that's all that matters and I really hope that you will. Love, Your well-wisher