I should have been better.....

Dear J,

Where do I begin with this letter. It has been over a year since we last seen or spoke to each other, I have to admit, the last time wasn't the best of times but it was understandable in the given circumstance.

I have been thinking about it all recently, all the events, thoughts and words that were exchanged and I have to get this off my chest. I am so so sorry. I was an inconsiderate asshole, who tried to make you feel guilt for something that was probably inevitable at that stage. I realize now what you were going through at the time. You were working on something that was bigger than me and I feel tremendous guilt for trying to put myself ahead of something that you had been working towards long before we met. I do feel that you could have given me some sort of time or recognition but that is in the past now and there is no point on dwelling on that now.

To be completely honest I was absolutely terrified at that time. I had a tremendous fear of losing you. You were my world and all that I knew at that time and when things got to where they were I was angry with you for letting things get to that stage. But the reality of it is I had little to no right to be annoyed at you and I feel terrible by the way I went about things because you were prioritizing yourself and your work and I just didn't understand it at the time and that was a massive fault on my behalf and again I am so so sorry for acting like I did.

I know that you will never read these words and in a way that is one of my biggest regrets, not telling you how wrong I was and how sorry I am about it all.

I hope that you are doing well during these troubling times and I hope you are happy because you deserve so much from this life and I feel that I let you down at that stage of our lives. If I could change the way I acted, I would in a heartbeat and I would try even harder than I did to save things. Most importantly I would have and should have been so much more supportive and understanding at the time and once more I apologize with my whole heart.

Kindest and loving regards,

D