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How am I feeling? Empty!
No emotions, nothing.
No anger, no sadness.
No joy, no love.
Just, apathetic.
Maybe that's better.
Maybe a shell will have a better chance of killing herself then a human with emotions will.
This won't last. I know.
She'll wake up right now, hug me, and tell me that it's okay.
And I'll go back to my other state of my mind, that is full and tangled and frustrating.
Either I feel completely empty like I am now, or I feel so bloody confused that I want tear my brain into two.
I have lost my sense of being me.
I don't know what to think about.
I don't know what I love.
I don't know how to describe myself.
I don't know what I like.
I don't know what gift to ask for on my birthday and on Christmas.
I never know anything.
I don't know me.
Each time I finally overcome some internal struggle, I start facing another.
I chose my path, and I was okay with it.
Since today morning, I have been so distracted!
Right now, my mother just told me that she's fed up of me, as she should be.
I'm fed up of myself.
I never know what's right.
I have no opinions.
I don't whether it is right to want my own space, or to be open to my family.
Maybe, if I ever get the chance, I will go back in time.
Stop everything.
Nothing has happened to me.
Nothing.
My life has been so wonderful, and that's what makes this worse.
I don't know HOW to be chill and not care about small silly things.
I don't know HOW to be quite and suave and observant.
I want to be, and I want to try, but I don't know HOW!
Please.
I start somewhere and always end up on the same rant of not not liking my stupid, fat, loud, useless, drama self.
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hey. i have been in your shoes before. i don't know you, i don't know your life, but i do know what it feels like to have lost the ability to feel. to have felt nothing for so long you forget what it feels like to be happy. to be so sick of it all you would do anything to make the pain to end. but please pick your head up. you will find yourself again. when people told me that it gets better, i scoffed in despair. darkness was the only thing i knew. but please trust me when i tell you it does get better. 2 years ago i thought i would be dead by now but here i am, truly happy, full of hope, and looking forward to the future. i was never alone and you are not alone either. please stay alive. you are valued, worthy, cared for and loved. also please get professional help asap, even if its just chatting with the counselors on this site. you are not alone. you are not weak. you are not the horrid things your brain tells you that you are. please reach out to someone. people care and they want to help you. stay alive for me, would you?
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