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So I just want to start off by saying that this happened 3 years ago.
But it’s still been on my mind since.
I’ll start from the beginning but try not make it too long, I would live any advice possible :(( it would seriously help. Anything..
I met this guy when I was 13, he was 2 years older than me. We met at my best friends house and we drank quite a lot etc. We ended up making out most of that night. My stepdad was never strict so I was allowed to do a lot. Drinking part, no. But I was also very sneaky. He texted me continuously the next day saying how beautiful I am and how he wants to get together and of course, as much as I liked him back, I said yes.
We got along better than anything and we were best friends and in a relationship. I would cut myself all the time sadly because my stepdad was also very abusive, and he always kissed my scars and said that I’m beautiful. I never wore makeup around him as a 13 year old shouldn’t anyway, but I never tried pamper myself either. When I did, he’d never fail to compliment me. We would always hang out at his friends house with some other friends too.
2 months passed of us being like that, hanging out daily at this friends house. We would occasionally drink and I started smoking. My bf always told me to calm down with the cigarettes and I’d listen. He’s drink a lot and I’d tell him to put his third drink down and he’d also listen. He always listened to my problems and me to his. He never failed to put a smile on my face.
His bestfriend one day came to me while I was in the other room getting a snack, and started kissing me. I was so surprised and shocked. I started feeling some sorta lust for him from that on and as it happens, lust and feelings can get confused. I’d started staying over at his after my bf went home, we always made out and touched eachother up. I felt guilty but couldn’t find a way to stop, I was afraid I’d make him not let me come over anymore. It went on for a while but the bf found out. We’d get back and break up after that, as most kids relationships go. We officially ended things around 4 months after. He was the most honest people ever sadly, but I had lied so much. 3 years have passed and I have moved with my mother and am in another country. I dreamt about him and 3 days later he followed me on Instagram. Another 2 months go by and I follow him with my second account and he follows back. On my birthday I decided to apologise to him about it. Short message, he deserves more but I wouldn’t want to push it, and he replied that it’s okay and not to worry and also wished me happy birthday. I know it broke his heart.. it’s been around 4 months now and I’ve been dreaming about him weekly. All my thoughts are just about him during the day and before sleeping. It’s always him. I don’t know if it’s the guilt or knowing that I won’t find anyone like him again. My bestfriend still have contact with him and her boyfriend and him are friends. She lives with her boyfriend and they have get togethers sometimes. When I go visit in around a year, she said she can invite him over with his friend and another one of ours and me and him can have a proper talk.
I want him back.
He made me feel healthy mentally. And he was so good for me, and I think I was too for the time being, but then it got out of hand with his bestfriend. I was too dumb to think things through then. I’ve gotten my bad karma. And just wish for second chance.
How do you think i could talk to him? We have eachother on all social media’s.
should I try again or should I attempt to forget. He hasn’t been in a proper relationship since then.. maybe it’s my fault?
Should I message now or should I wait till I visit? So many questions, not enough answers. I will soon get them. I’m moving back after my 18th. City is small anyway.
I wish he’d give me another chance, he deserves to be treated so well.
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ReplyYou were much too young to be in a relationship at 13 and I suppose now you are 16 and that is too young as well. Wait until you have finished your schooling and have a job then start dating. You will be more mature and have a much better idea of how to handle a relationship then.
Reply