dissociation (repost)

(i reposted because my last one got spammed :/) it's a difficult feeling to describe, but to me it's always felt like a lucid dream. the world feels topsy-turvy and the colors seem too bright, bleeding into eachother.

how do i explain to the people i care about, how do i communicate that sometimes i may be here physically, but mentally i'm sitting in my head watching my life play like a movie? how do i tell them that when i begin to come back to earth, everything crashes down and i have to run away to cry, hopefully away from prying eyes?

how do i help them understand and not think i'm crazy?

i feel so much shame when i start to cry; my mind is both empty and running a million miles per hour. time is crawling by but also going too fast, and all the days blur together. when i go to sleep knowing that in only a few short hours, i'll begin the same monotonous routine i play through every day, i have that hopeless feeling.

my limbs feel like weights and everything is too much. it's a lot easier to imagine the worst when i don't feel like me. but is this me? i don't know anymore.

idek, maybe i'm just overdramatic, but i felt like i needed release some pressure on my mind i guess.