Another part of my screwed up life part 2

Sooo. At least I know somehow where we stand. My family life's already in shambles. My dad leaves his journal out open so I find he said the worst of the worst about me. That I'm "responsible' for ruining his 40 yrs of marriage. And that he doesn't care anymore and that I'm a pussy. Not so ....not so at all . He doesn't know my heart firstly because we can't talk because he stays miserable 24 7.

Ok HE RUINED IT. NOT ME. Ever since I was a kid he's been on pot alcohol pain pills anxiety meds and used big amounts of lsd. Hes gotten drunk on a big mixture of them many times told mom and me bad names etc he beat me 3 times hurting me physically. Not counting all verbal emotional mental abuse. Also he won't tell people who make him mad how he really feels just takes his frustrations out on me mom and the dog. So I'm the pussy huh? No I've got balls to tell those how I feel not misplace my anger and treat my family like 💩. Ok I helped him when he was homeless in a car. Nobody I mean nobody else would!!!!! Because he robbed my grandma blind and she threw him out me not knowing it. Then steals$35000 everything I work for including running up credit card bills in my name that I'm sued for. All he ever did was go through life as a fake fraud thief user and abuser and manipulator making my life hell. Idk why mom didn't divorce him. I didn't ruin his marriage he did. I helped him he crapped on me. I've suffered enough. Idk if he's gonna hurt me now or I self harm first. Because he acts like he wants me dead. And no he also said he wants me to go to a homeless shelter when I'm the one who delivered him out of homelessness. This man is just plain wicked. He's so crooked you'd have to screw him inthe ground at his funeral. And mom can't stand she went through the roof when I mentioned that they used to literally take my paychecks. She was like"we were on drugs then" idc it wasn't right regardless and obviously none of them can handle it. I didn't deserve this stuff in life. It's why people commit suicide. Day to day idk anymore. I got nobody to talk about this stuff relatives don't care if I live or die. 😔 Im sad angry and depressed and just feel plain stuck. I can't change the past but I also have other things wrong with me. Because I don't do 1 thing to please them they act like I'm a roach in a bowl of soup. I wish he had stayed in that car homeless before. The other day he mentioned because bad stuff keeps going wrong "wait til your homeless" not thinking anything of it I say I'm grateful to have a roof over my head. Only now I see he wants to kick me to the curb because I'm of no more benefits to them. Fine. But if I go down I'll turn him in for DISABILITY fraud thus losing his fake income and his house of cards comes tumbling down. You don't screw and screw and screw your kids over and get away with it. Fucking con artist and psychotic user 😤😡🤬 he'd make a clown cry. Somebody does him wrong ?no matter I'm here to be his punching bag and target yay me.😔