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i dont even want to explain anything anymore. im tited of writing about my feelings. i just give up at this point. this just doesn't get better. i don't think i want to continue even if it gets better. even if i get the happiest life by some miracle i dont want it anymore. everything is exhausting. i can't even end it on my own. i don't have the courage to do it knowing how much it'll hurt my family. but it's getting almost impossible for me to continue. every single day it gets worse. there is no one to who could listen. it's like im just waiting for a moment that i magically dissappear or something.
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How can you not want something you’ve never experienced ? Be patient because (unfortunately for you now but fortunately for you later on) you don’t have a choice but to. Try and strengthen your relationship with God. That’s the only thing that helped me after being in your situation. I really do know how you feel, especially with the whole guilt and family situation. Living solely for the sake of other people is hell and not sustainable (if you know what I mean) but living for purpose and because you want to hits so much different. I wish you luck.
ReplyThe reason I say strengthen your relationship with God is because it’s the only thing that makes sense. He is the one who created you and is in control of everything to do with you and your life. What you think in a miracle life is very possible. What you think is the life you would feel the best in may not be the best for you. He is capable of opening doors you didn’t even know we’re closed and changing your life before you realise it... you just find yourself wanting to live. In the end, I believe, this life is temporary and full of trials and pain which you can’t deal with on your own... you are weak.
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ReplyI feel you 💔😭
ReplyDo not let your emotions to take you over. They are senses that do not last. They will pass. Be patient and see what the next moment shows you. Allow your being to burn those negative feelings. Try to realise the good feelings that arise too. Do not forget they also will pass so make the most out of them. Try to find a solution to your problem other than suicide because suicide is not solution. You need to apply more creative solution here. Try to describe your issue first then work on them slowly. Do not rush. Take your time. Those small achievements will make you feel more and more confident. I am so sorry you feel the way you do at the moment. It may be difficult to believe that you will feel better again but do not condition yourself to this. Start noticing small things. Look I am writing you to make you feel better as well as trying to make myself better to connect another human being who seems to need a little push. I hope I can give a glimpse of happiness to you when you read this. It is your turn next. Just relax. Take things as they come moment by moment. There are nice things too, just notice them.
ReplyWhat do you want to do in life that you haven’t yet done? Like personally I really wanna go to a place in Pennsylvania where there’s low light pollution and you can see the stars. Or go on a road trip with my friend. I kind of want to write a book. I just want to see where my life takes me even though getting out of bed every morning is a struggle. Sometimes I make myself feel a little better by watching my favorite movies. I hope you find your stuff and come to see that you might be able to get out of your current situation and then maybe you’ll feel different. Maybe you’ll meet someone totally inspiring that makes you want to live. Best of luck to you <3
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