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Ever since a very young age I liked to be true to myself, realistic. So when something I want is impossible, I tell myself it's impossible. But now I'm here, I told my crush I liked them after years and they didn't even reply and I'm having the hardest time in my life making peace with this. I hate how predictable my life has always felt. I told myself they could never like me back and they don't what a surprise. I try so hard to make things I want to happen but life always seems to want to remain so still and boring. No matter how big decisions I might make, or how big risks I take nothing ever seems to touch this fucking useless void of a life this has been. It's like if I end up killing myself I'll do it out of boredom. I really need life to start doing something for me, something to surprise me, something I can't predict, something that doesn't make me wonder if I'd be better of dead already. It's just dull, lonely and the overthinking is driving me crazy. Maybe for once things could go in a good way for me? Maybe just once? I'm tired of having to face battles I can't win. I also started harming myself every way possible since a young age. Not because of the pain but because of the nothingness. I just wanted there to be something in those empty years. Deep down I just wanted to lose it completely. So I don't have to live through this life feeling like a background character. The backgroundest of characters.
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You know what you can't be wasting ur time on people like that you kow what you have to do
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