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I don't know exactly how to describe my situation. Yet, it's a type of feeling which occurs to me lately. I haven't experienced the feeling of emptiness and hollowness in such a long time. It is a feeling where all you can do is lay back or sit down and stare. Literally just stare at...anything--blank wall. I do it regularly, staring out in the distance outside in nature. I guess nature brings out the best of us, so I try reconnect and humble myself. I know for sure that every time that I do stare out in the open, my thoughts start pouring out, of course only I can see them, it's like an ocean wave splashing out at once. Maybe it is an indication of 'calm before the storm'? I am not too sure. I know I have problems such as low defiency-related which makes me want to do nothing at all but the feeling isn't like being lazy, it is more like, not caring anymore and wanting to stay in a certain position forever and not care and lose touch with reality. Kind of like: "Oh my phone's ringing?" I don't answer at all. I forget things. I dream and think and my mind seems clouded. It is not the feeling of depression and sadness but I do suffer from it occasionally, I figured I couldn't cry anymore maybe because it was to do with my receptors or something. My hobbies have also gone, I just don't know how to feel about this. Everything seems boring to me now. Nothing interests me as much as finding out my purpose in life does. I feel alone in this journey but that's the best way I can approach it if I can't even hold a single conversation without awkwardness interwining. I just hope I find a 'solution' but even If I don't, that is totally ok. Not everyting has a solution. I just hope to be a bit wiser tomorrow than I was today, a bit more open-minded. If you are still reading this, then you were stuck inside a glimpse of my thoughts--Thank you for taking your time and reading this. I hope you have a great year, not day :)
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I hated school and wasn't interested in any of it so I frequently stared out of the window to escape from the situation. A teacher even told mother I stared out of the window all of the time. This is what you are doing. You are giving yourself much needed breaks. You have become bored and fed up with your hobbies and need a change. You don't say if you go to school or work but either could be bogging you down. Have as much rest as you can get, be appreciative of your life and what you have, and look at things in a positive way. A good year to you too.
ReplyThis resonates. Feelings like this do make me wonder If I have depression. I haven't been diagnosed.
It kind of sounds like depression symptoms. There are different varieties of depression you know. (https://www.healthline.com/health/types-of-depression)
-lack of energy
inability to concentrate
difficulty getting through your normal activities
lack of interest in things you used to enjoy
withdrawing from friends
loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities
lack of concentration, memory problems, and inability to make decision
social withdrawal
Replythank you for the last line, it really hit different
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