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It’s night, I just got home and I should sleep and yet I’m crying. I’ve been crying almost all day and now my head hurts a lot. It was awful to see my mother trying to understand what’s my issue at the moment, and I don’t know what is it. Everything is so overwhelming for me, even just breathing takes so much energy for me. I have an exam next week, one of the hardest I’ve ever taken and also the one I dislike the most. I don’t have the strength, I don’t have the motivation to study as much as I usually do. I just want to disappear, completely, like there is trace of my existence on earth. I’m disappointing myself, making my mother worried while she has to deal with her therapy and upcoming surgery, I’m slowly isolating myself and I don’t even know how to plan my future anymore. I’m lonely and always will be, no matter how much love I can get from other people, I feel a void inside of me. I honestly don’t know anything at all right now. I just want to feel good again, I want to laugh like there’s no tomorrow, I want to feel alive again, I want to feel goosebumps while looking at someone I love. I want to feel good. Will I ever deserve some peace?
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I know what that feels like. I found things to do till I was feeling better in like watching movies. Hulu: Along with the gods: the two worlds(2017) and Along with the gods:last 49 days(2018). IP Man 1,2,3, are good movies too.
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