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I miss you. I know we had a lot of rough times, and we argued a lot, and I didn't really get along well with your friends... Now that I think of it, why do I miss you? We weren't really good for each other, and that was made more frighteningly obvious each day, so why do I miss you so much? What was it about us? Why did I love you? Why did I handle things so poorly?
Maybe I'll never know, maybe that's my punishment for all the damage I've caused so many other people. But I hope one day I'll at least get to apologize to you. Because that, for better or for worse, is all I want to do. Is show that I do feel remorse for everything I did. I don't want you back. I don't need you anymore. I want to apologize and move on. But, I know, I don't deserve it.
So, as I'm writing this, I expect nothing less than to get all this off my chest. You're off to college, and I'm out of your life. It's almost a year since everything happened, and I still haven't fully processed. We both need time. I'm just wondering when that time will be up.
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