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I feel like I'm shifting characters every two seconds. One day I feel invincible , and the next I am in so much pain mentally, physically, and emotionally. I realize I have detachment issues. It is hard for me to stay away from people that I know don't mean me well , because I love them. It's hard to separate the love from knowing what is best for me. I feel lost. I'm uncertain where to go from here. How to feel complete again . How to find my happiness. Just feel like I don't belong here sometimes. I don't know where I'm headed anymore . I don't talk about the things I like , and/or love anymore . I don't do things I love anymore . I just given up on myself for so long I've gotten so comfortable with just letting my potential pass me by , and continuing to place myself in predicaments that I know will not rule in my favor , because it's not meant to be. I need to start somewhere is all I keep telling myself , but I don't know how . I don't know what I want , or need anymore .. All I know is that I'm tired of being a sitting duck. I want to be happy again , and I can't find that place until I learn to grab it , and make it mine . I can't wait . I've been unhappy for too long , and I fault myself , but I am trying everything in my power to remain hopeful!
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Listen closely. I'm going to give you instrctions. Follow them, and you will be happy.
First, any people who do you harm-going to be blunt with this-you don't love them anymore. You don't even know them. You will block all emotions for them. You will erase them from your history. For you, they don't exist. Second, train. I want 50 push-ups per day. Go for a 2-4km run once a week. Go to the local gym. Enroll in boxing. You will attend it at least once a week. During this period, you will not consume any achohol. You will never take drugs. Do this for ten weeks. Then you will join your countries army. You will enlist and attend army basic training. As a Private, you will then apply for any elite combat unit. You are now a soldier.
ReplyAdding on. Serve there for ten years. Stay longer, if you wish. You will then secure a defence contract job. Work until you are 65. Then retire. This is how your life could turn out.
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