I don’t wanna be here anymore

I know right now everything just feels chaotic in my mind and it will calm down over the next few days as normal but I just don’t want to live here.

- situational things: recently lost a friend who I think I was in love with and it’s driving me crazy

- my family is insufferable: but I’m under 18 so i have to live with them still. I planned on cutting them off as soon as I move out which means I would have no financial assistance from them so I’d have to get a job now and save up so that I can even afford an apartment, a car, college, etc. and I just don’t feel like doing that because I’m already so tired.

- I don’t like society: I know there are good people but there’s very few ACTUALLY good people. It’s such a struggle to try and BE a good person too because I have desires which I know are wrong but I end up childishly acting on then anyway. And I refuse to support people who support bad things like doing drugs or getting revenge or being racist etc. And I don’t want to work a 9 to 5 job, I just have no interest in that but I would have to because there’s no job for what I’m good at.

I literally just don’t want to be alive anymore like I know I could somehow have an impact on the world if I like became a doctor and somehow discovered some kind of cure or was an engineer and created some kind of very useful everyday item that I would end up rich off of of A MILLION OTHER THINGS BUT I DONT WANT TO DO IT. I DONT WANT A FAMILY, I DONT REALLY HAVE AN INTEREST IN DATING. I JUST DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE. LIKE I HAVE GREAT THINGS IN MY LIFE, IM PRETTY HAPPY BUT I JUST CANT SEE MYSELF BEING AN ADULT WITHOUT BEING UNHAPPY