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For over 5 years my sister has been pretending that I don't exists. Whenever I talked to her, she would not respond. For instance, telling her that mom has dinner ready, to turn on the fan when cooking, or occasionally comments about maybe the weather. I don't talk to her often, but when I do, it's like talking to a wall. I thought if I continued to smile, be friendly, and upbeat, then maybe she'd stopped ignoring me.
Today, I finally lost it for some reason. I deal with social anxiety and mild depression. I said something to her, and she just acted like I didn't exist, again. I finally told her, "Why do you act like I don't exist?". "Do you think you're like superior or something and that i'm not worth even noticing?" The only reaction I got from her was a scoffing facial expression and proceeded to exit the kitchen and walk upstairs.
I went to her room, told her how she was being unacceptable on a human level to pretend that I didn't exist and always show a look of disgust and distain to me even if it was to tell her that mom made dinner for her or to tell her she had mail. She said that I was bothersome. She said that it wasn't because she doesn't like me, but because she felt indifferent towards me.
I told her it wasn't right to treat people like this. And she said, "it's only you, I don't treat others like this." I said, "but I am a person, i'm a human being, you shouldn't treat me like this." Then she revealed how she has feelings of resentment towards me from 5 years ago. I never knew she felt something against me from the past, and now I know why she has been pretending I don't exist for years.
It's just feels like all that effort for years to be kind, to try to build a relationship with my sister, was all pointless. Something she harbored towards me all these years were the reason she has decided for all these years that she didn't want anything to do with me. Honestly, I would like to apologize for what I may have done in the past, but at the same time, i'm just so hurt. But mostly, I don't get the sense that my sister even wants to have anything to do with me. I come from a family of dysfunction, but it feels like i'm the only one trying. The only one who's thinking about family bonds. The only person who steps in and protects others when I can. Yet somehow, it feels all so pointless. With my mom, and my other younger sister.
Sometimes it feels like I was born from brokenness, and everything that I come into contact with either hates me, wants to use me, wants to break me or feels sorry for me.
I'm also so tired because I don't have time to feel bad. I have homework to do, I need to stay sharp mentally to solve difficult problems. I just wish I could have a dog to accept me. But I have allergies.
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That's terrible. I know how it feels, I see my family treating others so nicely, and there's nothing left for me. I kind of gave up thinking that maybe one day they will love me.
Moving out was better for me, they only miss when we're too far. Now with this pandemic, my mom been too stressed and neurotic. The way she treats my younger sister, is cruel. It's not just a “payback” to teach a lesson, I can feel hate.
I wish I could do something for my sister, take her with me and my husband... But I know our mom too well. She's overprotective, will do whatever it takes to don't let it happen.
I just wish the best for my sis. To study, do what she loves, find herself and go live her life.
ReplyI’m so sorry that this has happened. Your sister probably does feel something other than indifference for you even if she doesn’t want to admit it. If you know what you did wrong all those years ago then decide whether or not you think it was big enough for you to be the one to apologize now. It sounds like your sister took things way out of proportion. But that’s only from what you told us, so don’t take my word for it. Keep being strong, keep being the bigger person. You don’t have to put so much effort into being upbeat around her and such, you don’t owe her that. Just focus on yourself more, live your life, be happy for yourself. You deserve that. And even though you may be allergic to dogs, I’d advise getting one anyway. I’m allergic to cats, yet I still have one and I take allergy medicine. A dog can do a world of difference.
ReplyThis is the exact situation between my sister and I. I grew up seeing other sisters and how they’d talk, fight, make up, play, hang out, anything- and my sister acted like my very existence was disgusting to her. I remember for my 8th birthday all I asked for was my sister to hug me- and she turned that into me being dramatic. As I grew up I realized that I was just, naturally, everything she wished she could be but was incapable of. I never tried to be better or one-up her, but I was likable empathetic and cared about people, and that got me really far in life, in addition to working really hard at my goals. So it’s no surprise that we’re in the same situation still at age 31 (me) and 34 (her). And I’m sure she sees my success as being handed to me even though all evidence proves otherwise. I just don’t want her in my life anymore- but she has 4 kids (under 4 y.o.) that I deeply care for even though she uses them like she uses everyone. It’s exhausting.
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