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Sister pretended that I don't exist for 5 years
1 month ago · · Stress,
For over 5 years my sister has been pretending that I don't exists. Whenever I talked to her, she would not respond. For instance, telling her that mom has dinner ready, to turn on the fan when cooking, or occasionally comments about maybe the weather. I don't talk to her often, but when I do, it's like talking to a wall. I thought if I continued to smile, be friendly, and upbeat, then maybe she'd stopped ignoring me.
Today, I finally lost it for some reason. I deal with social anxiety and mild depression. I said something to her, and she just acted like I didn't exist, again. I finally told her, "Why do you act like I don't exist?". "Do you think you're like superior or something and that i'm not worth even noticing?" The only reaction I got from her was a scoffing facial expression and proceeded to exit the kitchen and walk upstairs.
I went to her room, told her how she was being unacceptable on a human level to pretend that I didn't exist and always show a look of disgust and distain to me even if it was to tell her that mom made dinner for her or to tell her she had mail. She said that I was bothersome. She said that it wasn't because she doesn't like me, but because she felt indifferent towards me.
I told her it wasn't right to treat people like this. And she said, "it's only you, I don't treat others like this." I said, "but I am a person, i'm a human being, you shouldn't treat me like this." Then she revealed how she has feelings of resentment towards me from 5 years ago. I never knew she felt something against me from the past, and now I know why she has been pretending I don't exist for years.
It's just feels like all that effort for years to be kind, to try to build a relationship with my sister, was all pointless. Something she harbored towards me all these years were the reason she has decided for all these years that she didn't want anything to do with me. Honestly, I would like to apologize for what I may have done in the past, but at the same time, i'm just so hurt. But mostly, I don't get the sense that my sister even wants to have anything to do with me. I come from a family of dysfunction, but it feels like i'm the only one trying. The only one who's thinking about family bonds. The only person who steps in and protects others when I can. Yet somehow, it feels all so pointless. With my mom, and my other younger sister.
Sometimes it feels like I was born from brokenness, and everything that I come into contact with either hates me, wants to use me, wants to break me or feels sorry for me.
I'm also so tired because I don't have time to feel bad. I have homework to do, I need to stay sharp mentally to solve difficult problems. I just wish I could have a dog to accept me. But I have allergies.