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I want to get away from feeling scared of him to the point I need to drink to calm my emotions, I want to feel loved by him but me hinting towards that makes him angry which makes me scared, if he isn’t angry towards me he try’s to annoy me and pick on me with his humour to help his own stress which then makes me cry with stress, I want him to respect me, to make me feel loved but all he makes me feel I’m scared hurt and angry, I want to escape but I can’t, I’m scared what he will do to my home, me and my connections, leaving me alone with nothing, turning to alcohol to cope. I’m so scared he will break my things Or hurt me again
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Replythere's a solution but you're just addicted to feeling scared. now you're "normal" is being scared and your body got used to swimming in those chemicals.
you can contact the police or take him to court to end it. you can also hide and take your precious belongings somewhere, as for the rest, you're just letting "things" own you and your life.
good luck with keeping your house and things and STILL be miserable.
your next challenge, however, is to break free from the person that you are now. why? because your next partner will be the same if you don't. you'll choose someone who wouldn't be treating you right to relive this drama.
A book I recommend is: Breaking the habit of being yourself - Dr. Joe Dispenza.
this comment might make you feel uncomfortable, yes, change is uncomfortable.
Good Luck.
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