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My love story, read if you’ve got the time, comment if you can.
3 years ago · 4 · Love story, +1
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Have you ever experienced your twin flame. Not a soulmate, but your actual other half. The person who completes life. That’s who she was. We will call her Kai. Kai was gorgeous. She had long flowing golden hair. She was super goofy and weird. She was explosive with feistiness. She was not afraid to punch you in the face, or take you to the ground. Not to mention she was no more then 5’3” tall. She had the quirkiest laugh. Above all she loved harder then anyone I have ever met. Kai and I met when we were just kids. Maybe around 13. Kai and I spent our first day together watching a scary movie. She started to nuzzle her nose against my neck. Me being a nervous thirteen year old, I had no idea what to do. I think she knew that. She grabbed my face and kissed me. I was on cloud nine. I had never felt such a connection in my life. As if our lips were magnetized. We didn’t actually date at the moment. She told her best friend that I wasn’t right for her at that time, but she said she would marry me one day. We were best friends. Tied to the hip. We did everything together. We went to haunted houses, rode atvs through forest at night, star gazed, watched our favorite movies, danced, partied, watched the sun go down talking about our favorite bands. This was my life until I was about 15. Then I got a girlfriend. We will call her Keira. I think Keira knew what kind of connection I had with Kai. Keira didn’t allow me to communicate with Kai. She was blocked an all platforms. I dated Keira for about a year and a half, although Keira was really beautiful I kept having vivid dreams about Kai. They started about nine months into my relationship. The dreams became increasingly more surreal. Then increasingly more frequent. Eventually I was dreaming about my future with Kai every night. It became to much to bare. I broke up with Keira and that day texted Kai. She immediately responded and I asked her if she would go on a date with me. So we met with a couple old mutual friends, at our favorite outdoor mall. Eventually we found a way to sneak away back to my house. We sat in the same place we first kissed. After a long relationship I was hesitant to pull a move. I didn’t want her to think I was the type of guy to hop around. After me teasing her relentlessly for thirty minutes she asked “do ever shut up?”. I told her “it’s a challenge for me!”. She jumped on my lap and said “I think I can shut you up.” Once again she took the lead. And once again I felt tied to this person. Not at the lips but at our souls. Our second first kiss. I quickly made it official. I wanted every last bit of her to myself. I made everyday open to Kai, she made everyday the best day of my life. I brought her into my family, and she acted as if she had known them for a life time. My family was in love with her. She was the center of attention the moment she walked through the door. It took two and a half weeks before she couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed my face and said “I have something to tell you but I don’t think I should say it.”. I told her “well you have to tell me now?!?”. After an hour and a half of heckling her. She blurted out “I’m in love with you!”. My heart sank, I didn’t know what to say... I knew I was in love. I didn’t know how to say it. me being an idiot I say “I’ll let you know when I feel the same.”. It was followed by her punching me in the chest, and us laughing it off. Within 24 hours I too confessed my love. We were the couple everyone hated to be around. I couldn’t help but be at least holding her hand when she was with me. She made it easy to graduate high school. Kai helped in any way possible to support me. She went to all of my lacrosse games to cheer me on. She came to my house when family life got hard. She nursed me back to health when I was broken. Kai would give anything to see the ones she loved succeed. During the first year together, we never fought (maybe baby arguments here and there). Everything was so easy and happy. Kai talked about marriage and kids frequently. I always entertained her or gave her grief about it. Saying dumb things like “marry you? No way you are wack”. Apart from the snide remarks I was scared of that question. Of course I wanted to marry Kai, she’s the light of my life! Yet I always felt insufficient. I was always confused why this goddess of a woman was with me. Me and Kai traveled the world. We adventured a lot in the states. We went to Mexico and Africa as well. She made me see such beauty in all of these places. My family had a time share in Hawaii so we went out there together. We wondered the beach. Eventually we sat down with the waves just gently kissing our feet. We talked for hours under the stars. Laughing, bickering, and reminiscing. The moon seemed to perfectly drape across her face. It was amazing to me, you had never seen so many stars in the sky. They all reflected off the oceans wake. It was gorgeous, but I couldn’t even take a glance. My eyes were stuck to her face. The most beautiful thing I would ever see. I decided in that moment, this is the place wear I’d ask for her hand. In my mind that would be well down the line. I got accepted into my states university and me and Kai decided to move in together. It was like living through a dream. I had everything I could ever want. It was rainbows and sunshine. 6 months into living with each other I had some friends move in. Initially they were a good addition to our little life together. My parents ending buying a house in Hawaii. They asked Kai to move there for a month to nanny. She left and I sort of lost my mind. I didn’t know what to do with myself. My roommates we getting me into all sort of problems too. They would throw parties all the time, and I started drinking a lot. Our separation started causing a lot of fights and problems between me and Kai. Im sure the drinking didn’t help. I began to fail school, and lose all my motivation. I decided to go visit Kai, and my family. While I was gone I got a call from one of my roommates describing that another two of my other roommates were throwing a party and was doing coke on the counter. Kai was livid and wanted them to move out. I supported her. When we got back I talked to them and they agreed to leave. One left almost immediately while they other one we couldn’t shake. It caused huge problems between me and Kai. Kai started working as a nanny for my family full time. During this time both side of my family experienced hard money loss, and they both struggled. It seriously affected my mental state and how I viewed myself. I thought if these extremely successful people can’t support their family... how can I support the girl I love. With that, me failing school, and the roommate we couldn’t shake, I was on my last leg. As a last ditch effort I decided to take Kai on a trip to visit my older sister, and her husband in Cali. We drove all the way there and had a blast! It was the break I needed, but I noticed how good my brother in law treated my sister. I reflected on it and didn’t think I could do the same. I made up my mind and decided for the benefit of Kai, I needed to leave her. On the last leg of the drive home was hard. Out of nowhere she started bawling. She couldn’t tell me what was wrong. I was certain she knew. When we got home I broke it to her. She started frantically crying and told me “I thought you were going to propose!”. I broke and started to cry as well. She asked why I was doing this. I couldn’t tell her the truth. She wouldn’t understand. I conceived the worst lie I’ve ever told. I told her “I just don’t love you anymore”. She started wailing. She begged for me not to go. She sat in front of the door when I tried to leave. Screaming for me not leave. It broke my heart into pieces. She pleaded to just give her one more month with me. Saying “I’m just not ready for us to fade”. I told her no, eventually she talked it down to one week. We ignored our reality and acted as if nothing happened for a week. Then it was time. After a few more tears she packed her stuff and left. She didn’t stop working for my family because she made an agreement with them. I would proceed to see here everyday in my house. The next month was hard. The first week I acted like a douche. I posted garbage things on my story, I immediately started dating other people. I was trying to run from the pain. After the first week it all caught up to me. I knew in my heart I had to fix my self confidence issues and rekindle our relationship. I tried with all I could to fix things with her. She didn’t want me. She was broken because of me. After a month Kai finally agreed to try it again. Immediately followed by her saying she had made a mistake. I asked her what it was and she wouldn’t tell me. I asked her over and over. She then screamed “I slept with another guy”. I lost my cool. I screamed at her as she begged for forgiveness over the phone. After losing my mind for a half an hour I began to regain my composure. I thought about it and knew that if I let that get to me then I’d miss out on the person I was made for. I said to forget about it, and I went to talk to her. It was followed by her saying she could never comeback to me because of the guilt. I pleaded for her to just try. I knew for the sake of our relationship I could forget. She denied us. She then proceeded to block me on everything. The following months were hard. I couldn’t sleep and quit eating. I had to move back into my moms house. I was a shell of a human being. I never stopped trying to convince her to return. During this time I couldn’t stop having the same vivid dreams I would get years ago. I got them every single night just like before. I eventually decided I needed to start dating again. Try and get my mind off of it. I was also forced to move back into my dads house where Kai worked. Dating was really rough, all off the girls I saw were dwarfed in comparison to Kai. I ended every relationship because they weren’t enough. The dumbest part about it, is I was honest about why I was leaving. I would tell them the long story of me and Kai. As you could guess.. none of them were too happy about it. 9 months after our breakup I found a girl I quite liked. She clouded my thinking towards Kai. For the first time in months I was happy again. 2 months into that relationship, Kai went to nanny in Hawaii again. She had also got a new BF during this time. At the same time Kai arrived in Hawaii, I was coming back from a camping trip with my new GF. A notification popped up on my screen after a long time with no service. I had seen that Kai added me on SC. It spiked my interest, and I started thinking about her again. I kept it to myself hoping it would fade. About a week later I saw I had received an email from Kai. It was in the form of a letter, that was pages and pages long. The letter felt like a gorilla punch to the chest. She spoke of how she saw I was dating someone new, and how it hurt her. She said she was happy for me and wished the best but it still caused pain. She told me she still loved me, that she still thought I would be the man she would marry. How she can’t stop thinking about what starting a life with me would be. She told me how she’s been having vivid dreams about us, sometimes in the present, some times in the future. How She didn’t think we were right together right then, but we were meant to be in the future, after we had both really matured. This went on for pages. It twisted my world. I decided to call her. We talked for a long time about the letter. I was honest I thought we were meant to be as well. I told her I had to remain faithful to my current GF. That I would be honest about what she sent in the letter, and I couldn’t talk to Kai while in this relationship. We hung up the phone, and my world was upside down. I really liked this girl, but Kai meant everything to me. My GF read the email and was surprisingly cool about it. Then COVID happened. My GF lives a state away and my family at home was going on full lockdown. I decided it was in our best interest to break up. Even though deep down it was to clear up room for Kai. The part of my family that was living with Kai decided to stay in Hawaii to ride out covid. Kai was offered to stay, and that she did. After a few months out there Kai broke up with her boyfriend, and I started talking to her again. I kept asking her to think about coming back to me. It was still. Not our time. Eventually she told me she doesn’t think we will ever be back with each other. I had given up all hope. Now we are in the present. I am supposed to go to Hawaii in December to see my family, and her. I don’t know what will happen and am utterly lost in what to do. I still get the same surreal dreams of our future every night. It’s torture. Yet it is the only place I am happy. I hate sleeping because I feel I don’t deserve even the illusion of her. I hate waking up because my dreams are the only place we will be together.
I have created a living hell.
Maybe one day we will have our third first kiss, and life will go back to normal. Third times the charm right?
Or maybe my reality is more years trying to forget about my twin flame.
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You should have stayed with her in the first place and then this wouldn't have dragged on like it has. You should both make up your minds as to what you want. Who knows which way this will turn now. You sound like you are afraid of commitment.
ReplyLooking back, breaking up was far to necessary for both of us. We were young and underdeveloped. We would have never grown and fixed our problems. I made so much progress with my mental stability and the things that would turn me into a man. My mind is made. I do all I can to get back to her. But I broke her. Who knows if I deserve her after that. I’m not afraid of commitment necessarily, I’m afraid of failing the people I care for. I’d say I’m self destructive. You feel?
ReplyTalk to her man. This will be your chance and make it clear to her that you love her. Make her realize how much "she" means to you.
I wish you best of luck buddy 👍.
No one knows what the future holds. Maybe this is your chance.
ReplyShe's broken i understand that. But whats broken can be healed. Thats the power of love.
Reply