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i've always been second choice. for everything. and it makes me so angry, then it fuels a disgusting jealousy. i just wish i was as pretty as some of my friends, or the girls around me. i'm never picked, never picked to be a girlfriend, a best friend, etc. and i constantly compare, like i wish i had her hair, her eyes, her body, etc. it's caused so many problems not only externally, but internally. there is a part of my body that feels dead. just dead space. the joy and bliss that i've been robbed of. the innocent part of me. i look in a mirror, and i just don't know who i am. i see a completely different girl. and people seem to forget that i'm human, and that i'm like glass, super fragile, and easy to break. nobody cares. i hate my body. i hate my nose, and my hair. i hate the insecure MESS i am. i hate that i screwed up some relationships, and i wish i could go back and change it. i miss how my life used to be, being confident and loved. now, i feel like i annoy everyone, and that i screw up anything good that comes my way. but, i am working on myself, growing, and learning on how to be a better person for everyone. just one day at a time.
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I too share these problems. Even though people like me and ive dated, I find out a way to critisize myself. The only thing I like about me is my hair. My nose looks like a fkin double barrel shotgun, my forehead is giant, my lips are huge, my neck is too long, I hate myself. Some people make mistakes and I dont really give a shit but when I make these mistakes, I want to pound myself and force me to do better.
Im also talking to a girl similar to you. Let me say something, she has problems nobody knows of, she is insecure, she is super emotional, but she doesnt give herself credit. She hates how shes emotional, but shes super kind and she doesnt notice it. She hates how she looks, and shes absolutely beautiful. And I love her.
The point is, you dont notice it, but your amazing. Your beautiful, caring, kind, someone I want to be friends with. I care about you.
KEEP GOING GURL U GOT THIS WOOOOOOOO
ReplyI wish I could show you that you are wrong. But this all starts with your perception of beauty and that innate drive to compare yourself to others.
There's a good quote for this "be yourself; everyone else is taken" -Oscar Wilde
I can dive a bit further for you if you need but let's take the focus off of them and put it onto you for the moment.
I can guarantee you are more than enough as is. You feel like you're not and that is ok, it hurts but it's ok. The whole entire notion is surrounded by confirmation bias. You perceive a threat, in this case isolation and worthlessness (particularly to others).
So your mind is more apt to find information that supports that notion, disregarding information that is contradictory.
That's why it feels so weird when you look into the mirror and say "I love [insert thing/body part/whatever]"
You're giving information that contradicts that inner narrative. It can get really weird going down this hole and might even be confusing.
Point being is to challenge those notions. Try to notice when others come to you first, try to notice what kind of colors or lighting makes you look best in your own eyes.
You're not here to please everyone else, even though it may feel like you are.
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