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I don't know how to start and what I'm going to write here, but I'm just going with the flow. I a girl, I've turned 23 this year, I'm lost, I'm confused, I feel useless, I'm feeling pathetic, oh no I'm sooooooo ******* confused. I should support my parents, they're retired, they need my support by every aspect but l can't do it.
Also I'm angry on myself and my whole life.
I've grown up in super super super strict orthodox family, with my parents and brother who's 11 years older than me (and who is super scholar and allrounder, well he's just perfect in every way). My parents are super strict that even if I want to meet my BEST friend I've to keep convincing my parents for at least 5 days. I remember one day I met a boy who was in my batch in school, I told this to my mom and she told me " Don't you dare to do that again" but whyyyyy she already knows that boy and we were not even close friends. But till date I have ALWAYS behaved as my parents wanted to. I've even selected my career by their choice. I wanted to be dancer, but I'm in science field now and I never wanted to take science. I went to girls college, I took admission in science just because my parents wished for it. I wear what they want, I study what they want, I don't meet my friends because my parents don't like it, I don't buy what Is want because my parents may object, I don't go anywhere my parents would be objecting, I even keep my hair as their wish.
But they always kept this restrictions only on me, I mean my brother was also restricted upto some point nlbut he never gave a **** about it. He had an affair when he was in school, then they broke up, and suddenly after some years they again got back in relationship. My brother even got married without telling my parents. And then after 8 months he divorced her. Then again 2 years before he got married to another girl, but this time he fought with my parents, told them that they don't have any feelings for him,they don't want him to be happy blah blah blah. Now he's happily living with her wife.
This has affected us badly. The restrictions which I already had are now increased. My father thinks I'm going to do the same, I'm going to marry some random boy, leaving him alone in shame. My mother thinks I'm not bothered that she has lost her son and I didn't try to get him back to her. She says I'm not able to keep family together. My father also thinks that I'm always against him, and my mother thinks that I am not able to built my career.
And I think it's true. I'm just hopeless. I can't do this. I couldn't even take stand for my own career. I couldn't even prove myself. And at this moment when my parents need my support, I'm just browsing through Insta stories crushing some K-pop Idols and Korean actors. I couldn't built my career as I visualised once. I could not dare to go on the path I decided despite all those objections. I can't build up my own career. I can't build my own life. I can't support my parents. I can't. That's enough I can't.
I had visualised my life, I wanted to life my life like that, but I can never do it, maybe because I don't even deserve it.
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You are not hopeless. People will tell you that your parents want whats best for you, but I just think their being selfish. You have always put their needs before your own for 23 years, and you shouldn't have to anymore. If they cant love you as YOU really are, that's their problem. Your number one priority is, and always should be, you. Im not telling you to disrespect your parents, I'm telling you to respect yourself.
ReplyIt's me again 23 years old girl I'm commenting on my own post because things are happening pretty fast and I want to share it.
I told my mom that I've tired of your pressure. What she told me next was shocking. I've always seen my parents fighting for small things, but after listening to my mom I've understood why my mom keeps fighting with my father and why she pressures me a lot for my career.
My father married to her just because he wanted to get rid of his ex girlfriend. He never loved her. He always used her. He used her money. In return, my mother only got insult, haterad, doubts, from him. I've seen him many times insulting my mother even in front of other people. Now she wants me to settle in my career as fast as possible so that she can divorce him.
ReplyWhy didn't your mother leave him years ago? No matter what your mother is telling you, this is her issue, hers to solve, not you. If she wants you to "save" her, you could certainly do that a lot easier if you were happy. The walls are invisible. Walk away. Take a break for 6 months and go out on your own and let them know you need some space and time to sort things out, then immediately start creating the life YOU want to live, the way YOU want to live it. I would encourage keeping writing and journaling. To THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE.
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