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I hate them all.. :(((((( i hope u care, but I hate them all. i have no one to tell.. i just hate it.. i wanna be better than this. i don't know how.. i just don't know if I can.. I want to change.. I want to be okay. like real okay.. dear someone who read this,.. I am sad.. I hate themm.. huhu.. I hate me too.. it's my fault.. im the most at fault.. that I am like this.. I hate them.. I wanna stop being too kind.. I wanna do things or agree to things that I am real okay with.. I want to start prioritizing myself.. I wanna stop being too kind.. being too considerate.. I wanna live my life.. I wanna stop putting others' sake on top of myself.. I wanna stop being afraid of being hated.. even it's a family member.. as long as i am not doing wrong right? so why can't i refuse to say no. why can't i live my life for my love ones' sake? :(
please.. stop this part of me.. :(
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This is something that was very likely ingrained in you in childhood. I'm a people pleaser, myself. So I can understand where you're at. Though I'd also note that this can border codependency. It doesn't sound like that's the problem here, though.
One of the things I can say is that there is nothing inherently wrong with being kind to others. So long as it's symbiotic (meaning they also give back), and not parasitic (meaning they only take).
It also seems like you're struggling with some racing thoughts, perhaps? Making it harder to pin down things you want to focus on.
You've done some bad things, to which you've admitted. Those memories can be particularly nasty. I'm not honestly sure of how to battle them, myself. But if I had to suggest anything, I'd say some form of meditation to help you become desensitized to those particular thoughts. So you can learn from them and not let them weigh you down so much.
Your best interest right now seems to he getting some professional help. That's my biggest suggestion.
Also, I might suggest doing some volunteer work, so you can feel like you're giving something back in a positive, meaningful way. To help counterbalance the things you've done wrong.
ReplyI know that feeling... my grandmother raised me like that...what is it good for anyway? People often use you and throw you away. And when you ask them something in return they behave like they do not know you... Anyway - I am not sure if this is good advice or not - but, if you agreed with something - it does not mean, you must do it. I also tried to avoid this kind of people. And - maybe you could try to develop some habit - my things first during the day. When you are finished with yourself and YOU WANT you can help others. If not - try to avoid them. Or pretend that you are very very busy....Good luck!
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