Financial Depression

I can still remember the days where I get to have the newest gadget. The last of which, is an Xbox.

But those days were still sad for me. My dad has to go to another country just for our luxury. I remember, I said this phrase once, "All that's important for me is for us to be complete. Not a problem if I had to study in a public school."

It's true. I just want my family to be complete. To be able to sleep at night with an assurance that I've ended a day with a complete family.

It happened. My dad never had to go abroad. His contract got terminated. I was happy.

Years passed, I felt sad. I felt insecure to a friend that has gotten everything she wanted where in, before she only gets to borrow stuff from me. It hurt my pride.

I cried a lot then, I asked my mom when will Dad go for abroad again. I cried to her. I cried my shallow and insensitive thoughts. I've hurt my mom.

On those years, my uncles supported me and my brother's education. They paid for our tuition. Gave as 200 dollars every June for us to buy our supplies. My mom was always happy for that. She was assured there was money for her children. Half of it we use for school supplies, the other half, for whatever that would fit with the money left that she knows we would be very happy with, she would buy.

My mom was left with nothing. She didnt get to spend any money for herself. I've witnessed that for 7 cruel years.

My mom was the only child left out of 6 in our country. The other's had settled elsewhere. They would ride a plane home for visits once in 2- 4 years. I have never seen my mom happier.

My grandma got sick, it was her worst condition. My mom was always grieving about it. I was too but I had to keep it to myself. I was the closest to her.

My Grandma died all of my mom's brothers had come home for her. I was happy because they've been together after a long time. My mom was happy too. I could see that tiny sparkle in her eyes. Behind my grandma's death she had something to be happy about.

My mom had to sleep on the floor for a year. She never missed a day without looking after my grandma. She would wash for her, feed her. It's a sad scene for me to witness everyday. I know for the fact that my grandma was slowly dying. And my mom was too. Not only was she depressed for her mom but she had a year of sleepless nights.

My mom's cousin even managed to make gossips about my mom. She told their uncle abroad that my mom wasn't able to take care of my grandma alone that she even had to hire a maid. She was a devil for me. Nothing else could have hurt me more for my mom.

Months passed and this had happened.

I was 16 when I asked my mom for a debut. She couldn't answer me. I knew she couldn't afford it. I was not sad for the fact that she can't give it for me. I was sad that I have hurt her once again, by my selfless desires and words.

We have a small business that sells things of all sorts. Months after I've asked for a debut, I have decided to work for it. Summer came, I was excited to work. As a waiter, as a delivery person, as anything that I could get into considering my age. I even had an idea to start a youtube channel but I didn't have a decent camera to start with.

Months past, I saw my mom and dad's sufferings just to get us through. My goal now was not for me to have a debut, but for me to be able to help them pay for our expenses.

I went to the municipal office to seek if they could help me with my concern. I prayed for many nights for me to get in to any job.

There was no job left. I tried to be happy about it.

A news came to me, a business with the same market that we're is being built just 4 blocks away from ours. I was sad about it. I tried to be happy about it also.

I realized, they weren't selling rice. They weren't selling pet food. We still had something to earn up on the long run.

Everyday I give up everything to God. I trust him. And He is the only hope I have left.

My mom had an idea, she wants to work abroad as a house helper.

I was sad about it. I really was. What else could be worse.

Ive seen my cousins ranting about traffic, about the long drive-thru line, about their 200$ bag, which is already a life for us in a month.

I think, do they think about us? That when they call my mom to run errands about their land ownerships, about their concerns, do they think if we are suffering?

Life has been tough these days, and I still submit everything to God. I wish I could do something right about everything. I wish it will all end up on a very good prize.

Thank you God.