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On the 18th of October last year I lost someone I loved. Her name was Charley and she was my girlfriend, my world, the one person I had that gave me reason to wake up and do something with my life. She was everything to me and now, almost 6 months later I've only just realised that I've not been living life. All I've done is exist, keep going, press forward. There's been no colour in the world or any joy. I feel as though nothing could fill the hole that's been left in my heart, like my very soul died that day. Some "friends" have told me to just move on and find someone else.
But how do you replace someone that dragged you up from the lowest point in your life all the way up to the highest. Someone who gave you a reason to live. Every day I miss her.
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I recently realized that I am not done grieving for my father who died on May 25 2015. Grieving isn't the same for everyone. I compared it to a jigsaw puzzle. As time passes, you discover a new puzzle piece that allows you to come closer to "finishing" the puzzle of grief. How quickly you find the pieces and what exactly those pieces are differs from person to person. What one person needs will not be the same. Time is irrelevent when grieving. Take as long as you need. When the puzzle is complete, you will not magically feel happy, after all the person is still gone, but you will find that you have found your resolution to that person's death. I don't know if that makes sense but it is how I have discovered I prefer to think about it. Like, I have not yet reached the part where I can put my father's ashes into a container for final confinement, if I even want to confine them. Tell those people who want you to get over it that their response is not helpful and probably stems from their own discomfort with your grief - which is THEIR problem, not yours. They need to learn how to deal with a grieving friend as much as you need to grieve for your girlfriend. Anyone who cannot respect your need to grieve (good grief, it hasn't even been a frickin year!) is not a friend to you.
ReplyYou don't just move on. You take the time you need to heal. You will never forget her and one day you will wake up and begin to celebrate the time you had with her and slowly the loss becomes easier to live with. I lost my 16 year old daughter to suicide 3 months ago and not a day or second has went by with out me thinking about her. She's the first thing I think of when I wake in the morning and the last when I go to sleep. It won't be easy, you will never forget her, but in time you will heal. You will take what was broken and forge it into something that will make you a stronger person. And if you do meet someone else. Be happy and live your life for the one that you lost. It's the best possible tribute you can ever give to them. To survive.
Replyu are not alone!
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