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When I was 7-years-old, My mom and I moved in with my stepmom, my step-sister, and my dad. In the beginning, it was amazing. I had an older sister who I loved dearly, many toys to play with, and delicious foods to eat. When it was just my mom and I, we didn't live that well. My mom wasn't prepared for motherhood and failed at being a mother that young me needed. But I don't blame her - in fact, I've already forgiven her a long time ago.
My birth mom isn't the problem here - it's my stepmom. As I grew older, I would constantly get into trouble for the littlest of things. Silly things, even. I wasn't smart, worthy, talented, or beautiful. That was my step-sister. I was the opposite; stupid, worthless, untalented, and ugly. And for the longest time, it didn't bother me too much.
But as I got older, I realized that those four words began to bother me constantly. I was bullied in school and when I would return home, I'd be bullied there also.
The first time the 'bullying' truly started was in 8th grade. It was my third year playing the viola. I wasn't naturally talented, but I caught on quickly when I first started halfway through my 6th grade year. I wasn't as talented as the others in my class. But one day, I was eating my food - a hamburger with pickles - and the topic of orchestra came up. I don't remember the exact lines, but my stepmom got mad at me and pulled me harshly by my hair. She said that in the years I've been playing, I've got nothing to show for it and that I was worthless. That word stung deeply and I didn't know how to react. I threw my food away and took off to my room, where I cried.
That wasn't the end, it continued on, even to this day. I get compared constantly to my step-sister. I'm called all sorts of belittling names.
My stepmom is a hypocrite. She wants my mom and I to help around the house, especially when doing the dishes. I ask if I can do them, and she tells me to not bother her and gets mad. When it comes to taking the trash out, it has to be completely full. Yesterday, she took the trash out and it was only half-way full. Same with recycling.
My whole family - except for my mom - plays an online game called World of Warcraft. Whenever she needs to use the restroom, she'd ask me to take over, no matter if I'm in a dungeon or a raid. Today, I decided to take the trash out, while in que for a dungeon, and came back. My mom had my character entered into the dungeon but she doesn't know how to play. She offered to put a new trash bag in. I was cool with that and sat down.
Step-mom comes out and yells at me. Calls me lazy. Says she won't help with my phone bill.
I almost forgot. For bills, I pay half on the power and all the internet. However, if something doesn't get done when SHE wants it, she tells me to get off the internet. I pay for the internet that she tells me to get off of.
I've literally have gotten to the point where I want to just end it all. On Amazon, there is a sort of expense pack of sleeping pills. I plan on overdosing on those if she doesn't stop. But she doesn't care. She never will... so why should I?
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You should care because someone out there loves you and cares for you.
Or just go away somewhere far from that toxicity. But please don't die because someone loves and cares for you.
ReplyHi. I know you are going through such hard time! But you know, it will get better. I know it sounds so cliché.. but it will!! Can you talk to your sister about it? Or your dad? Do you think they will be able to help you out or stand in your support?
I am the eldest child in my family, and for years, I have had to do stuff that my siblings didn't have to. I cooked, and did house chores, and everything in between while working a full time job. My brother on the other hand was allowed to stay back, not help with anything, and he was neither working, not studying at the time. It was SO frustrating to do all that work and not be appreciated for it. All I ever heard was that since I am older, I should be the one to take all responsibility. Slightest mistake would mean endless scolding.
But you shouldn't give up. Stand up for yourself when you have to. I don't know how old you are, but remember this.. doing good at studies/job is the only way to get out of these situations. Because that's what makes you independent. I am guessing that you are still in school? If that's the case, then maybe aim for a good college.. and then you can move out if your step mother doesn't change. Or even if she changes. It'll not be easy, but it'll be worth it.
ReplyThanks for the words of advice and kindness. I hope it'll get better, but since it's been so bad for so long, I've started to lose hope. My stepsister wishes to remain out of the 'conflict' and my dad has no say. If he tries to defend me, they fight and she threatens to divorce and kick us all out - which none of us can afford.
I wish I could stand up for myself, but in all honesty, I'm scared of her. I don't know what she'll do. I dropped out of high school to take care of my mom when she broke her knee so colleges and nice jobs are out. I'm trying to become an author in hopes of making enough money for my mom and I to move out. I'm 21 years old but sometimes she doesn't treat me as such.
ReplyPlease don't decide that it's out. I am sure there's many way for you to be independent. You already work somewhere.. you mentioned that you pay for internet etc. And you want to be an author! Keep reminding yourself all the things you want to do and want to be. Everything that you want to experience.
And again, I understand how hard it could be to deal with people who come at you for no reason.. but please, don't let it affect you so much that you start losing hope. When things might take turn for better, you never know. :)
ReplyIf she physically abuses you call CPS!!! You deserve better. Plus, tell someone about it does your stepsis care? Ask for her help. Just don't do nothing.
ReplyShe hasn't physically abused me since. It was only that time when she yanked my hair. As for my step-sister, she knows 'sort of' but wishes to remain out of the conflict.
Replymay I ask your age?
ReplyI am 21 years old.
ReplyI recommend you and your mom both move out and find a place. It won't be easy at first, but it will be better than where you are now. You don't have to have everything planned out yet. Take one day a step at a time, but really get out of there. You can move into an apartment, anywhere else but where you are. You're 21 so your step mom can not tell you no. Don't feel guilty. They can pay their own bills. Take their internet. Do what you need to do to be happy.
ReplyI wish I could. But I don't have enough money to move into an apartment. I just recently started to date a long time from of mine from High School who is aware of my living situation and is trying to save up money to get us an apartment. Hopefully that would make things better. I wish I could take the internet but it's not in my name. I know that as an adult, I should have legal rights to do whatever I want but to be honest, I'm terrified of what'll happen and how she'd react. I'm trying to become an author so hopefully that'll help me in the future and when it comes to affording a place to live.
ReplyWhy doesn't your mother step in and stick up for you? The sooner you get away the better. There shouldn't be sleeping pills sold over the internet, they should be only available from a doctor on prescription unless they are herbal. Talk to your mum about what you are going through.
ReplyThere isn't much my mom can do since she's also a victim of the bullying.
Reply