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I just want to write, to get my thoughts out of my head. I’ve fallen madly and quickly into a desire that’s controlling every part of me. I want this man, I want him. I want to know him completely, body and soul, to consume every ounce of joy that he can offer. I want to bake croissants with him then make him a delicious dinner, I want to seduce him in the early afternoon and learn how to dance in his arms. I want to give him every gift of me - knitting g him sweaters, teaching him to skate. I have a fantasy and against all my desire to stay in reality, it’s a tempting pool that I’ve already begun to dive headfirst into. But, the fall into the water is long.
For the moment, he’s inaccessible - we both needed to focus on our work for a week - and it’s unbearable. As soon as he kissed me, I knew I was done for. His river eyes... I want to drive all 14 hours to just look at them for a moment. The incredible universe we found alone together, our bubble, was magical. I’ve never felt so whole when with another person. One date and I’m done for.
I only have a few more loose ends to tie up before I can declare my availability to him, declare that if he wants me, I’m all his. I can’t wait. I’m afraid he might cool on me, that his fire may dull with space, but mine hasn’t. Every fleeting thought of that day has me shaking. Every moment I know I could be getting closer to him is bliss. I want to know if he is aware - or does he think I’ll never be his? I’m afraid he will abandon his fire out of self preservation, believing that I wouldn’t leave this life behind to have even the chance to explore a life with him. Our lives are going to be inexplicably intertwined over years, but I want to be closer than intertwined.
Please, don’t hold my flame at bay. Let the fire consume you, let me consume you as you consume me. River eyes, look on me.
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