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Hey. I just kinda feel like things are sinking in my mind already. Like how I messed up, like how I am messed up now. That I don't have a job yet, soon I'm gonna find a job to creepy world I don't recently go out much because of the pandemic. Soon Im gonna have to force myself be able to walk around people. I'm more scared what actually looks like outside than the virus. It's a possibility some people gotten worse cus they are starving. I may be overthinking. But I know soon I'm gonna need to find a job, then what? I'm gonna be forced to go to work everyday, doing a job that is lame or doesn't even got my interest. It's like living like a robot and no funs at all. I'm not saying thungs should always be fun, but just picturing it out on my mind, damn im exhausted already. Imagining doing some tasks in my job that consumes me so much in exchange of money, and pretending I like my job in my job then maybe pretending that i like the people i'll be working with probably. What a creepy miserable
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I feel a lot of what you're saying. It's a dark place and it sucks ass being there. Finding a job is scary, it's even worse when it's not what you like and you're faking the enjoyment. It is miserable.
Also yeah, it's terrifying to go outside cause of covid, the pressure and the way it's being handled isn't helping. But being messed up is normal. You just gotta accept it and say yeehaw, I'm not mentally okay and I'm not okay with certain things about myself. I know it's not easy, it takes time. But good luck, I hope your mind clears and you feel better:)
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