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I know who I am to an extent, I don't know who you are though. I don't know your name, I don't know what you look like, I don't know the first thing about you. But I do know that you are out there.
I know that I'm messed up in the head and I don't know if you could honestly handle me as I am right now. So even as I begin to make these changes for myself, I know that I'm doing this for you.
Because when we do finally meet, I want to be emotionally capable of having a healthy relationship. I want to be stable within myself, so I can provide you the structure you need to thrive. I want to be able to enjoy things so I can share my passions with you, the sheer excitement and joy that I could bring to you. I want to be able to be comfortable with you, whether you're by my side or if you're somewhere else.
I want you to always know that you're beautiful to me. But I also want to be able to spread that out, so I'm not just constantly piling it on all the time, cheapening the effect.
I want to be strong enough to maintain myself in difficult situations and to be able to find humor with you even in our arguments. I don't want everything to have to be super serious all the time. Which is how I am right now.
I'm trying to get help so I can get some normalcy in my life and then I can come and find you but I'm not worthy of you right now. I'm broken right now and finding you right this moment would only make things worse, I know that.
But whoever you end up being, I hope you know that I have gone through hell and back, on more than one occasion, just to find you. Because you are that important to me. Because when I find you, I want to be able to give you everything you need.
But it all starts here, within myself. As badly as I wish I could be ready right this moment, I'm not. So I'm trying to be patient here. I've died a thousand times waiting for you. I'm sure you've made your sacrifices too and maybe you're not right in the head either. That's ok, i will love you and I will help as much as I can.
Because I know the pain. I know those roads. I've been searching them for you for what feels like forever.
The only reason I do this, the only reason I still try is because I believe I'll find you one day and I'll sweep you off your feet. At least that's what I hope anyways.
I have loved you for so long and you don't even know it.
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It was nice to read this.
Sometimes looking through all the doors that I couldv'e gone through (relationship wise)
I think like the way you wrote.
ReplyRelationships like this are coming so close for all of us, and this is a great first step! I've already met and separated from my person a lot. But I sense this is finally what they are also going through right now. Word for word, this is so us...
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