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Nothing with this pregnancy is going as it should and its not just COVID
3 years ago · 4 · Stress, +2
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I found out I was pregnant with our first in June, due to COVID I have had to go to all of my appointments alone. I have been struggling in my classes due to having to stop taking my anti-depressants and ADHD medication for the pregnancy plus ADHD and online formats just don't work.
To be honest I have felt alone since this all started I guess... My husband was deployed from January and when everything hit, I was living by myself in this house with the two dogs. I had to learn to enjoy my own company but that sense of loneliness is still there.
I've tried to explain depression and ADHD to my husband but it almost seems like he doesn't believe that they're real things, or that I chose to have it and have symptoms of it. He says that he's had similar struggles but he just "chooses to sit and stay focused."
This semester I had to drop my Chemistry class. I'm too far behind to end up with a good grade and that means that I'll have to deal with the guilt of being yet another semester behind. If that's not stressful enough I also have to deal with the father like disappointment from my husband. Currently, he's actually upstairs "dealing with it."
Nothing in our relationship dynamic has really changed since we started couples therapy, or since I got pregnant. He's aware that it's best for the mother to stay calm and stress-free but I feel like there's always something about me that bothers him. I'm either intruding on his alone time, winding downtime. He has time to be on the phone with his mother and coworkers for hours but when he's with me he's too focused on the games on his phone to pay attention or hold an actual conversation. That or he has his AirPods in with the noise cancellation on.
Am I stupid to think that we should be able to have cute conversations about the baby, that he could be a little kinder and a little more attentive?
If I mention any of this to him he always has some perfect response, like "I do give you attention, I give you a kiss every day. ect. ect." And yet somehow I feel like I'm in this alone, I don't have anyone else to gush over a child we made together or talk about the future with or just be lovy dovy with.
Almost every conversation about the future of the baby leads to an argument of some sort... so I'm stuck thinking about it on my own and having these conversations in my head.
He hurt our dogs paw on accident a month back and he seems more concerned about the dog and more attentive to the dog that he does his own pregnant wife...
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These are signs of emotional abuse. I recommend getting professional help or a divorce. If he isn't giving you the attention you need now, it could be so much worse later on in the pregnancy or when your child is born. If he ever hits you, go immediately to the police. This relationship doesn't seem right.
ReplyI personally think that you should leave him but I know that it would be hard for you. Just know that right now your biggest concern is you and the baby. Whenever your pregnant that means it is you and the father not just you. Please don’t give up on that baby though because my mother has the same relationship as you. And if your anything like her you may be depressed just make these words you goal: Don’t give up and stay strong. I’m gonna be cheering you on every day of June so just know that someone cares
ReplyI've been dealing with similar issues with my unborn child's father. We were together, not married, but I left after he pushed me. I hoped the verbal disparaging would be the extent of the drama but it only got worse , he actually pushed me. To this day, doesn't see what he did wrong. I left, and moved states back home and my pregnancy has gone so much smoother since. You've gotta do what's best for you and your baby. It might be hard, but if he's acting like this now, it's not likely to improve after baby comes.
ReplyThis doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship and I’m really sorry to have to say that to you. You deserve care and comfort and love and attention and he shouldn’t pay more attention to others or his phone than you. You should be able to have those cute conversations about your baby together, it’s not a one person job. And your ADHD and depression are 100% valid to have. Keep going and have that baby! Even though it’ll hurt a lot, especially if your husband doesn’t care for your baby as you think a father should, the baby is yours and if he doesn’t want to do anything about it then it’s his loss. If he’s abusive then don’t stay ok? Promise me because I know what that’s like. Put you and your baby first. Sending love and hugs!!
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