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(Listening to RADWIMPS while writing)
Anyway, I just want to write. I want to share a bit of me. A bit of my struggle that most people don't see. Well, they can't and they won't as I try to hide it perfectly, I assume. I mean, hiding, is everything. Or maybe the right word is "PRETENDING"...
Pretending I'm okay when I'm not. Pretending to have things exactly how i want it to be..but not. Having my law school classes at home is hard. I try hard to seem "okay" after every class, after every failed recits, after every exams.... hoping I pass everytime. Hoping for the better. Having my family near is great but personal space is hard these days. I cant even cry... tho i really want to. I'd seem to forget about crying but the feeling still lingers as I open my notes, or when i enter to class.
Maybe it is also wrong of me into making them believe i am alright... that law school is fine.. that everything is in place.
I'm trying to be strong...but i also want to let this go and be vulnerable and just breakdown and cry... I want to. But its hard knowing your family is there...they wont just understand.
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Your parents don't understand because if you tell them what is wrong they think you are being dramatic or attention getting. They can't imagine how anything can possibly be wrong with studying law at home. However, you could be depressed and under too much pressure. If so see a doctor. One way to make the pressure disappear is to have a few weeks away from your phone, video games, and laptop. Then you will feel more free and happy.
ReplyExactly. I've been wanting to go out and be away from home even for just a week but because of the pandemic, my family won't allow me to go out or visit a place. I wanted to visit my university and see my law school friends, only they would understand the struggle that each of us probably feel. But Im in the province and the my school is six hours away. If only I have the courage to go, i could have release this burden long ago.
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