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1. If I feel uncomfortable in any way, I am allowed to say no. I am allowed to get up and leave. I do not have to entertain a man. I come first.
2. I will not go over a mans place the first date. I will explain to the man why I do not want to. If he likes me and is a good person, he will respect my decision. Only weak, and strange men push you further when you decline.
3. You do not owe men any type of sexual satisfaction. Especially if he is not returning it. You are not obligated. You will only do it if YOU want to, not if the man wants you to. Do not confuse you wanting to give something to him vs you feeling like you have to do something because he wants it.
4. You do not have to continue any sexual act that you change your mind about.
5. You do not have to stay at a mans place just because he brought you over. You are allowed to leave. You dont have to "force" yourself to become comfortable at his place (if its filthy, messy, etc)
6. You have value. A man does not bring value to you. Him asking you out, him asking you to come over, him asking for sexual acts is NOT additive to your value. You do not GAIN value by him wanting you. You already have value. Therefore leaving uncomfortable situations does not take away from your value. He does not give you value, your value was given simply by existing.
7. What does add to your value, is how you carry yourself. The confidence. Your interests. Healthy communication. Your kindness. These ADD to your value, and even without these things, you are STILL valuable.
8. You must communicate when you feel uncomfortable. Some men may be able to pick it up, but its up to you to voice your needs and level of comfort.
9. A man who recognizes your value + additive value will treat you as though you are very valuable (because you are, see 6-7). He will not ask you to do anything you're uncomfortable with (see 8). He will treat you a prized possession (as he should)
10. You naturally treat people well, and search for their value. This makes you a good person. You forgive and love and cherish each person. However, not everyone out there is like you. This will lead you to add value onto people that do not treat you well.
11. Naturally, when you are in uncomfortable situations or if the man is less than ideal, you will try to see the good in it and compensate. This is not your job. You are meant to ADD to their life, not overlook their holes.
12. You must conserve your energy, and reframe it back to those who make you feel valued. You can still be kind to people who are not kind to you, but you must save the unconditional love for those who would return that to you.
13. If while conversing with a guy, you feel something that turns you off, you are not obligated to stick around and see if it becomes better. Trust your intuition, you are not a shallow person. If something feels off, it probably is.
14. You are able to love anyone. But you must learn to differentiate between a man that wants you and a man that deserves you.
15. Don't forget all the sacrifices you made to become the woman you are today. You are self-made and a badass. Remember that when you start seeking value from other places.
16. A man that truly wants you will show you. You do not have to provide him opportunities. He will seek you out himself. This is different from not being receptive to him. You can give men a chance, without setting up the chance FOR him.
17. If you cannot unequivocally feel yourself around him, he is not the one. If you feel that you have to mute your personality around him in ANY way, he is not the one. If you feel there are some topics you cannot discuss with him in a safe space, he is not the one.
18. You are allowed to have different values. You should be able to share them safely with him, without being attacked or judged. You should be able to talk to him, without feeling muted. You should not hold back certain thoughts or feelings because you are unsure of how he will take them.
19. If he only accepts one part of you, the mature side vs the silly immature side vs the emotional side, then he is not the one. Just as you accept all sides of him, he should accepts all sides of you.
20. Give yourself the compassion, safe space, love to yourself that you give to him.
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This is good.
ReplyThank you for this post. It is much appreciated.
ReplyI love this! Looks great on paper! May you have enough self respect and self love to implement these as needed.
Thanks for sharing, Writer.
Reply