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I am stuck. I am stuck in a cage where no one can hear me, because I made that cage. I am stuck in my body. I am stuck in a body I found beautiful but then I destroyed it. I destroyed my perfect body. I am stuck. Stuck in the past. I just can't let go, even though I told myself that I have let go a long time ago. But I was just lying to myself because I couldn't accept the truth that the happy girl I used to be is now gone. She doesn't exist anymore. And I just try so hard to be like her, when in reality I'm not.
I don't know where I'm headed and I don't know what I want. All I know is that I know nothing. I torture my mother with my undecidedness that she's starting to give up on me. My mother does not deserve that. She deserves the world. She hurt herself and cry herself to sleep because of her failure of a daughter. I fail and I make her think she fails. She's given me everything and this is how I repay her.
My grades are suffering because I'm lazy. I know that. My mom always tell me that. And now, I might even have to quit school because of my grades. I thought I could handle it, but I can't.
I feel empty. And confused. And sad. And angry. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry and I couldn't forgive myself for all the little things I had done wrong, even though it's stupid.
I'm stupid, even though I was born smart. I wasted all the opportunities given to me because I was stupid. I'm not dumb, I'm stupid.
I'm just...
I'm sorry.
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Its hard I know. But don't try to be the girl you once were. We all change. I say try to be the better version of yourself. I'm not saying get straight A's but as long as you try you can surely get somewhere. I would recommend finding a motivation. Something that would remind you that there is a reason for trying. It could be your mom. Or maybe something else. And also never ever say that you are dumb or stupid or anything negative. We all have our highs and lows. Its just part of life. i think it would help if you talked to your mom. It could be a regular conversation or maybe talk about your problems. If your not comfortable, then you don't have to. If you made the cage then, if you try, you can make the key.
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