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I’m reposting this to add a piece of info about his family at the end. If you’ve already read this or we’re the kind soul who commented, thank you, keep reading, and have a nice day. Please don’t comment that you already have seen this. I am reposting it for a further crowd.
I kinda have a crush on one of my old friends from high school (he’s a senior this year) and I don’t know if he’s ‘good’ or not. A lot of people in our area don’t like him because his parents post his every accomplishment on social media and brag about him, so people are usually either annoyed or disappointed when he doesn’t live up to the expectations his parents are creating online. I made a pros and cons list. Anybody want to help me out?
Pros:
• He made sure I was included when everyone else over looked me
• He’s a gentleman (holds the door, still says ‘sir, ma’am’ etc)
• he’s got beautiful blue eyes and light brown hair
• Is active in Church and community events
• He’s not big headed
• he doesn’t frown on music, he’s actually one of the few non band people in our town who isn’t a hater
• he loves animals
• He’s smart
• is always willing to help, even if he’s not going to benefit from it
• he gives me a hug when he sees me, or at least acknowledges that he sees me
• he jokes around and picks fun as long as everyone is okay with it
• he has told me that he’d beat up my cousin if i wanted him to. (my cousin used to hit me/punch me/ call me names in school and if anyone commented on it, he’d just say, “It’s okay, we’re cousins.”)
•he’s accepting of everyone
Cons:
• he doesn’t really acknowledge me when his family is around
• his parents are big headed and arrogant
• my family doesn’t like his parents
• My friends don’t like him bc he’s not from the same crowd (he’s an athlete and popular and my friends are the geeky weirdo theatre band kids)
• he parties and drinks
• he doesn’t always say what he thinks until after the conversation is over
• he make sure jokes about being gay or trans
• all of his exes are A-listers and varsity athletes (i’m a band geek pretty much)
• his mom refuses to post pictures that I’m in
• his family still praises his ex (parents still post pictures of when they were dating/didn’t take them down after they broke up)
Edit:
His family is white. And I know I shouldn’t bring race into this, but they are all racist to POC people (and in way they don’t realize). They’ve never been cruel to my face or my immediate family, (they are always super sweet) but they are old money (descendants of the town settlers) and like to remind others of that. He’s not really that way. On another note, they are all prim and proper, and only get ‘funny’ fun when alcohol is involved. My family is loud and hilarious without alcohol and I wouldn’t have it any other way
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I am in, almost, the exact same boat as you. I have a crush on one of my guy friends who is a few years older than me. I am also a nerdy, geeky band kid. A lot of the pros that you listed are qualities that he has, which are all amazing things by the way. For me, the cons are few but he has opposing political views from me, he has a problem with alcohol, he is incredibly clueless, etc. For us, as friends, this is what we do: we just do our very best to not discuss politics whatsoever, I do my best to encourage him to be safe and make smart choices such as not drinking, and as far as him being clueless I am just as open as I can with how I am feeling. One of the biggest things we have in common is also a very hard thing to deal with, which is mental health. He has a few mental illnesses that can sometimes cause him to be rude or very hard to deal with. I have anxiety, depression, and binge eating disorder, which can all be hard to deal with for him. But from one person crushing on their guy friend to another here is my advice: try your very best to be open and honest. Try to tell him how you feel when he doesn't understand, and also try talking to him about the situations with both of your families. I'm sorry that I wrote so much, but In summary, I really understand what you are going through and I hope things work out for you guys. It also sounds like you have the advantage of being friends in person; my friend and I are online friends. Best of luck to you!
ReplyUpdate: It’s not him going in for a hug and his cousin pushing him into me.
Reply