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Hello everyone... it's me again... today is November 28th of 2020 and I am currently writing at my desk at 8:05 pm.
At the time I am writing this I actually just did all of my Christmas shopping off of Amazon for my family. While doing that I was able to see the deeper meaning to Christmas and some of the traditions that people like to incorporate into it with family. There is secret Santa, hiding the pickle in the tree, white elephant, elf on the shelf, and writing letters to Santa. For me, it's just my family Christmas get together. I don't know how that's going to go for me this year because of the virus going around, but we can only hope that things get better for the world and that people can see their families during these trying times. But that's not what I am here to talk about. I honestly would like to know one thing and one thing only. Why do I feel that I need to lock myself away?
The other day I had just gotten out of the bathroom and from there I went and closed myself off into my bedroom like the cave woman I am. But what I did after that surprised me: I tried locking my bedroom door. Now my step dad took the locks off of all the doors other than their bedroom door and all of the bathrooms. It's been like this for several years because when I was younger I would lock my siblings out of our shared bedroom so this became a problem. Now I haven't tried to lock my door for about 6 years now, and all of a sudden I turned the lock portion and obviously it didn't lock, but why did my mind tell me to do that? I am probably feeding too much into this or making it out to be something that it's not but lately I have been overworking myself to the point of all sorts of exhaustion. Was that a sign from my mind that I need some alone time? Because I have been getting more than enough of that, so I don't know what it meant, but I have been desperately trying to get away from whatever it is.
Sorry for the odd entry today, I am going to try and write something everyday so that way I have a log to use for myself and my mental health. I hope everyone is having a good day otherwise.
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You may be spending a lot of time alone, but maybe you're not actually getting the time to decompress and relax. Being alone and decompressing are two entirely different things, so maybe your mind is telling you that you need a private space to be vulnerable or to decompress--and maybe that comes in the form of attempting to lock your door.
ReplyYou are honestly right, I mean lately I have been in quarantine with Covid so I have no choice but to be alone right now. I will try to decompress and relax, it's something I have probably been needing to do for awhile but I haven't really had the chance to do such things. Thank you for showing concern!
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