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I just had a huge fight with my dad. He pushed me to the floor of my bedroom and stood over me making sure I knew I was not in control and I was a spoiled, ungrateful, jerk kid. As soon as he got up into my face and asked me am I going to fix my behavior and what am I going to do, I told him that I am ungrateful and spoiled and then broke down crying. It was his birthday and he made sure I knew I had ruined it for him. He continued to stand over me and give me a very mean and angry look. I started breathing really fast and deep. It felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Everytime I took a breath in it seemed to go right back out. He told me in a disgusted tone to calm myself down and that seemed to make me feel worse. He stared at me for a good 5 minutes while I sat there and hyperventilated. My fingers, the sides of my hands, my right knee, and my right foot had started getting that feeling when your foot falls asleep but they weren't falling asleep. He left and I continued to breathe fast and deep while crying for another 5 minutes. I finally calmed my breathing down and he kept coming back to make sure I felt like crying some more. I have done this a few times when I get really really upset. Is this a panic attack or an anxiety attack? Or am I just assuming the worst of these situations. I constantly feel emotionally overwhelmed in these situations. I have no idea what it is and I would appreciate anything anyone has to say and any advice on how to cope with all of this stress. Thank you.
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your dad is emotionally abusing you, and physically abusing you as well if he is pushing you to the floor. you are not an ungrateful, spoiled, jerk kid. you are a KID navigating what it's like to grow up in this backwards world. parents are supposed to guide and protect you through this. please find a safe place you can stay where he cannot do that to you. don't be afraid to reach out to support agencies or law enforcement if this continues or things do not get better. I don't know if it's an anxiety attack or a panic attack, however your mind and body are responding to the trauma you are experiencing in attempts to protect you. I'm so sorry you're facing this and I hope you are able to find a safe place and find some peace<3
ReplyYour dad just took advantage of you and intended to make you fearful of him. I won't be quick to say that he's abusive, because I'm honestly not well qualified enough and don't know enough about your situation to make that large a claim, but your dad put his hands on you, probably hurt you, and intimidated you. That's toxic behavior, and I would really recommend telling someone you trust about what your dad did to you. Also, talk to your dad about how what he did made you feel unsafe. I'm not sure if you actually did anything wrong, but you should recognize that this is a common tactic of manipulation, so keep an eye on it.
You talk about experiencing physical symptoms (rapid heart rate, hyperventilating/heavy breathing, crying, etc) as well as emotional symptoms (fear, upset, emotionally overwhelmed), so I would definitely consider this an anxiety attack. After all, anxiety is often being overwhelmed emotionally. Your anxiety seems to be (from this information) triggered by intimidation and yelling, which is totally understandable, valid, and reasonable!! A lot of people, myself included, have bad experiences with being yelled at, and it triggers anxiety because it is undeniably scary and hard to sit through, but it may also make you recall traumatic experiences.
Something I've learned from my last 7 months of therapy is that we cant control how people speak to us or what they do to us, but we can control how we handle ourselves. One way to combat anxiety is through self-affirmation, realizing that you are in control of your emotions and that your anxiety cannot get the best of you if you dont let it. Tell yourself you control your emotions. Tell yourself that you are going to choose to take some time to breathe.
You can engage your five senses to ground yourself by pointing out 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (for example, your sweatshirt on your skin, petting a dogs fur, etc.) 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and one thing you taste. This is a good way to take some time "away" from the situation and help reconnect your body with your mind. You can talk to a therapist, or if you don't want to do that, you can download Headspace (app) or search youtube/spotify for guided meditations. These help to become in tune with your feelings, as well as giving you a space to have someone guide you through to relaxation. You can also engage yourself in a craft or some tv to take some time away from the situation, this is a good skill, but if you constantly avoid coming to terms with your feelings then its not helpful.
Make sure you notice what gives you anxiety. Obvious interactions like these do, but what else? Noticing this will help you better prepare yourself, and with time you may get better with managing anxiety and not experience anxiety attacks more often. You'll be okay, you got this <3
ReplyI have had the same problem. It may be a panic attack or an anxiety attack or it may be neither. I have learned that It's just your body that is reacting to everything that is going on. You can try this. It may not work though. It doesn't work for all people. I hope that it does for you though.
5 things I can see
4 things I can feel
3 things I can hear
2 things I can smell
1 thing I can taste
It has helped me and I hope it helps you! I want you to know that you are not a spoiled, ungrateful, jerk kid. You are an amazing kid and if your dad doesn't see that, then I'm not sure what he is. Just know that you can talk to people that you love and trust. And I hope all of this will get better. I know you've got this and you'll be okay. Know that people love you❤️
ReplyYour father can't do that. It's not a way to treat your child. If your mother is in the picture, I would go to her to talk about it. If she isn't, I would talk to a friend you can really trust or a school counselor. You could also call CPS. The number to call is different in different areas, but everything's on the internet. Just a warning: your father could lose custody of you and any siblings you have.
ReplyMy advice is to drop the attitude, don't speak back to either of your parents, and to behave yourself! The trouble is that you have left your childhood behind and you aren't an adult either. While you are becoming more independent your parents are still treating you like a child and you are expected to obey their rules so there is conflict. However, while you live in their home you must obey them and not try to rise above them otherwise this sort of thing that went on with your dad will keep happening. Just behave!
Reply100% anxiety attack. EMTs say that arguements are the most common trigger and yes, your father is being verbally and emotionally abusive whether that is his intent or not. If the 5,4,3, ect senses still over whelm you like they do me. Just try to name 1 of each. Its possible that continuing in this environment could make your anxiety worse and draw a connection between the part of the brain that remembers all that fear and the part that is trying to maintain "socially acceptable" behavior. In this instance, it can help to tap your palms on their respective leg alternating one side then the other. Gradually get slower.
Another tactic is to imagine putting all your heavy emotions and fears into a container, tape it closed, chain and lock it, drop it in the ocean. Whatever mental process helps you feel distance from it. Remind yourself that while the feeling is there, you can put it away until you feel safe to handle it (like with a counselor or therapist)
My last suggestion is a happy place, conjuring the smells in your head and where the sunlight hits, is there wind? Is it damp? What do you hear?
MOST IMPORTANTLY, cease any of these if they are making you more anxious! Your job in a panic attack is to let go of the intense emotions, you can face them and problem solve later. And never forget you can always call literally ANY helpline. I accidentally called a veteran's line once while pregnant and the gentleman was a lifesaver.
Reply