It's finally hitting me.

Quarantine, it's finally hitting me like a baseball bat to the temple. I miss people. I miss affection and REAL eye to eye contact. I miss riding in the car with a friend while you drive to next town and chat. I don't want a boyfriend, I'm fine without that type of affection.

I just want to see someone other than my family. Nothing is wrong with my family, I just miss the change of interaction with someone in person that I'm not related to and knows everything about me. I'm stuck in my home, with my mom, and since my brother lives alone and quarantines we see him every weekend.

But it's not enough... I have too much time on my hands to be alone with my thoughts. I used to use that time alone with my thoughts and self-analyze, be productive and notice the things about myself I want to change. Now I have so much time to self-analyze I overthink. I overthink who I am, what I stand for, where I'm going in life, if I'm capable of successfully doing anything in life. And it's good to think about those things sometimes, but I'm overwhelming myself now. I'm self-doubting when I ask those questions, slowly losing hope that I can have a good future... I'm only 16, but I feel like I'm stuck in the mind of a 50yo having a midlife crisis too late, and everyone's already left them. But in reality I'm surrounded with people that love me and encourage me, I just don't see it or believe them. I constantly feel like they must be mixing me up with some other person. Getting the details wrong, misunderstanding who I am. Even the people that know me down to the core, I don't believe them. Even though there isn't any possible way they could be misunderstanding me, forgetting who I truly am. But I think the real reason I don't believe them is because I feel like i don't see me, I don't understand me, I don't know myself down to the core, the details. Is my mind trying to tell me I'm not who I say I am? Or am I just forgetting who I am?

I'm just having trouble feeling anything but down right now....Maybe I'm just rambling and I only say meaningless things that waste people's time.