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This has been a long time coming, but I feel like if I don’t deal with things now, it’ll only make me feel worse; that’s how it usually goes.
I have a best friend of 3 years now. Earlier on in our relationship we never had any fights. Now it seems like we fight once a week. It’s getting exhausting and I don’t know how long I can keep going. I do want to be friends with her for as long as possible but nights like tonight I feel like we shouldn’t be friends any more. Usually it happens that she says or does something that upsets me. I express my feelings and she ignores them. I will admit that I tend to shut off as a way of letting people know I am upset. I get quiet, I leave the space, one worded reply etc. I know this isn’t the best way, but growing up I had friends call me crybaby, over sensitive and invalidate me a lot. So i figured if i just shut off, then they know i’m upset. My best friend knows this is how I express negative emotion, but she just ignores me. Typically she waits until I can’t stand the anonymity anymore and reach out to her to explain how i feel in words. Two weeks ago, she knows when I’m upset, but she’s able to turn off her emotional side because she thinks I’m being irrational and oversensitive. It’s always a cycle. I get upset, she ignores it, i reach out and we’re good again. I’m tired of reaching out. Today I told her how I felt. She said “sorry you didn’t like what I said”, “no need to be mad about useless things”. This hurt me. Made me feel less, like I didn’t have a right to feel the way I did. It happens all the time and i’m tired of the things i get upset about being called oversensitive, irrational, emotional or useless. It’s funny because she acts “logical” with my feelings, but with her good for nothing ex, she’s all emotional for. I texted her that I wasn’t mad but I didn’t want her invalidating my feelings but I’m afraid she’s just gonna invalidate it more, gaslight me, make me feel like emotions are too much. Am i overreacting?
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no you are not overreacting if she doesnt care about how you feel and wont try to help or understand why your upset then in my opinon you guys shouldnt be friends and you cant just let her do that to you . You gotta stand your grown, tell her how you feel about her dont let this continue if it does she just gonna keep doing the same thing over and over and if she doesnt want to fix it then thats her problem not yours
ReplyYes you are overreacting. People like you who get upset easily are over sensitive. You need to start brushing things off. You probably get upset over something small that you immediately take to heart. As time goes on you should harden and let things go over you, and not take so much notice of things that your friend says. She knows what makes you upset so she says things that she knows will upset you because this gives her a feeling of power over you. You must fight back at her straight away and not just say one word and walk away. I was like this myself years ago until I began to stand up to the person who said something nasty to me and let them have it. Also your friend knows that after she has upset you and you have walked away all she has to do is wait and you will come crawling back to her. She has all of the power and this is your fault because you allow her to have it. There is a saying 'the worm turns' but if you can't turn on her at the time she is nasty and take the power from her you might as well move on away from her. You must stop being the worm. I wish you all the best. Stand up for yourself.
ReplyI agree and I'm also like this I'd let my narcissistic friend get away with saying hurtful things to me in front of my other friends all the time and I would not defend myself and take her words to heart. Over time I have admittedly become resentful of her. I think she has grown a bit more self-aware and mature now but I now have this deep wound. I feel like I can't trust her even now because she said those things and I kept it inside. If she does these things to you in public, you owe it to yourself to embarrass the crap out of her. Your feelings are real and valid. She knows her words will hurt you and she does it anyway? That is not a friend. Don't play her game. Kick her ass while you still can and don't look back.
ReplyThis happened to me too, but my friend is a guy. I shut off, then reached him again but he ignored me. I reached him like 3 times already and he completely ignored me. Im tired of reaching and got nothing in return. We are still in the same group chat, he still talks to others but me, so i do it too. Idc. Lol. He made me cry, i wont cry anymore. If he still wants to be friends with me, he need to reach me first!
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